I'm busy preparing for the Common Service Interview.
It's not easy to master:
(a) the poker face: to get a bribe;
(b) the serial-killer mentality: to treat the needy;
and
(z) the godman aura: to make the other believe in maya (to think one succeeds when one #fails).
#vss365
Today, the topic of discussion in our book club was a DM we got from a reliable source.
“X’s marriage is asexual.”
I was contributing to that when we were interrupted by a notification. The others got an update.
“Oops, it’s not X, it’s Zee.”
“Zee, plzzz #continue.”
#vss365
"Arjun, with women, you still hop on one leg. And that guilty look! You are over 50, man!"
"You have a leak in your #attic, Swapna. You too haven't changed. With men, you act as if that species is better extinct."
"I now know that's a fact. I too am over 50."
"Bah!
#vss365
There's the forest around
Inviting me within,
There's the thoughts of old love
Soothing and seductive,
There's the void you can fill
Creating fantasies,
There's the harsh ugliness
Breaching the barricade,
Without #rhyme or reason
Marring sedate slumber.
#vss365
I said, "Let's #begin..."
She kissed and made love to me.
Soliloquy's death.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
Long ago, I tried to be god.
They made me read the contract.
I've to leave you, point 13. Ok.
Can't even have a #wet dream, point 2. Whatthe.
Life will be like social media, point 7.
Sans attachment. Sans consistency. Sans future.
Point 91 was the rub. NDA covers that.
#vss365
Dear #vss365 friends, life’s been crazy.
Fell in love. Expected trouble.
First, the competitors. A duel with machete and fists. She saved us from #slaughter. Not interested, she said. Foes to bros in 5 seconds.
Second is worse. She said I love you. I’ve left town. More later.
My friend (10) and I (6) explored the derelict mansion;
In the first room, a corpse said Hi;
In the second, we found Miss Bland and Ish in flagrante delicto;
The third was no surprise, zombies of course,
Hid in the fourth, with the other kids in #quest of life's meaning.
#vss365
If I could write about my dreams,
You might find stuff not so boring,
But then it might be lurid,
Or harsh truths will annoy you,
I might be my true self,
Anon in a #car in a cul-de-sac,
Waiting for a bored thug, like you,
To bash his head in, not ghosted like this.
#vss365
Remember those days
We walked six miles for #breakfast?
Romance at Koshy's.
#vss365
#BangaloreDays
#haiku #senryu ?
"For you, everything is just a phase,"
In a story, she described me well.
I was a saint at first,
A levitating frog-in-the-well.
Then the rejected anti-social,
Unsure, horny, giddy, I met her.
It's been one long slide after that,
Being #bad with a flickering halo.
#vss365
"Class! Give me a #haiku or #senryu about the #apple. Arjun?"
"Newton, Adam, Eve
Gave the apple a bad name.
As much as doctors."
"Why did I ask you? How about you, Swapna?"
"In a dream I peeled.
Was it apple or orange?
Future in limbo."
"Hmmm."
#vss365
(When I wrote this for #vss365 #apple in August, I learned the meaning/difference when one says, "peeling an orange" and "peeling an apple".)
Got an award for ‘Internet Search’.
It’s a story about:
the one love (no Internet footprint);
the one I should have loved (will not search); and,
the one I want to love (how to search).
The judges say, “breath of stale #air in suffocating times”, “nonvoyeuristic”.
#vss365
"You must be missing your hometown."
"Not really."
"Why so?"
"Prefer the anonymity here."
"Can't be that bad."
"When I discovered that my aunt knows the details of our sex life, I had to leave."
"We too know that. You have a problem with...the #coda, huh?"
"How?!"
#vss365
"When we have kids, I'll be a househusband."
"I'll give funds for them. Not for you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Aunty, for the class debate: should marriage seek #resonance via partnership or individualism?
"In primary five?"
"Ma, will you..."
"Finish dinner."
#vss365
"Can I court you?"
"You don't have to. I'm convinced you're the right one."
"Oh. I'm going to convince you I'm not. Start from there."
"Us humans would have gone extinct with such ethics."
"Us humanoids can't delude ourselves with a #crescendo or diminuendo in love."
#vss365
Do you remember the children's book that changed your life? I do.
It was about a ruler; a girl given as a gift; a nomad who killed the ruler.
It was about the brutal witch-hunt against outsiders, against those who disrupt peace and #harmony of the land with new ideas.
#vss365
Was that a children's book?
Oh yes, children got too old in my time.
What's the name of that book?
'Buried Gods'.
based on an old short story of mine,
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/12/buried-gods.html
What they saw:
He lifted the woman from the bed, placed her head in the noose, held her for a few moments. Then, he kicked the chair and watched her body jerk. He touched her hand, feeling for a #pulse, before leaving.
"That's your father!" one of the voyeurs said.
#vss365
from an old short story of mine:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/05/after-nights-in-white-satin.html
Loud grief of mourners
Hide the lost ones' clarion calls.
Graveyard #acoustics.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
The seven year itch--
Way to get out of the #groove.
Murder is cheaper.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
"You should have died. Not Ma. I've hated you all my life."
"I know."
"You felt the same about me, huh?"
"Don't know."
"Suits your work, huh? With that stupid #motif. We are truer when we hate than when we love or some such crap!"
"We need hate to keep love alive."
#vss365
"You have no idea about #Melody, do you?"
"Music and I..."
"Definitely tone-deaf."
"Hmmm."
"Your wife has moved out."
"Why...when did your mother...?"
"Wow! You remember I'm your kid."
"Are you?"
"Pa!"
"Let's find her. Jingle, right?"
"Pa!"
"Joking, kiddo."
#vss365
"Say what you have to say with #confidence."
"Your idea of a holiday is the pits."
"This is better than climbing some mountain or going underwater."
"In a city? Near a mall?"
"I love this."
"Bah!"
"It's not bad here on this bed, is it?"
"Say that with..."
"Hush!"
#vss365
Till life was switched off,
Feigned #casual relationship.
Last #exhale, I love...
#vss365
#NALove
#haiku #senryu ?
Why do I do the things I did so well,
When I know now it won't end well?
Like the carefree walk,
Not so careless being Anon.
Like that unknown force I used,
To make love happen.
Occam's razor - the way to solve most #doubts:
I know I didn't do well in my heyday.
#vss365
The early morning light crept across the lake, nudging life into the #drowsy air, lifting a veil of mist.
On another balcony, a lady in night-clothes, inadequate like his, shared the same scene.
They looked at each other twice before going back to another life inside.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/04/story-tellers-sabbatical.html
"Hi love, missed me?"
"Why should I miss you when you have been on my messenger all the time?"
"But, I was not. I was sick."
"No, you were not."
"Look, I should know..."
"Hmmm. I did wonder how you became interesting."
"Who..."
"Hush, I'm #busy."
"Ok."
#vss365
But, you crept in trailing after
Her, under summer’s stern glare, frisky,
And slipped past dark veils of winter,
Sandwiched between, you were #cheeky.
#vss365
from an ol' 'pome' of mine:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/04/ode-to-lovers-shadow.html
I had to notice the young family. He ate first. Then, took the kid and let her eat. No talk.
What a lovely couple we were in such places. We talked. We were like that in court too, looking #successful seeking divorce.
I looked at the pool. That looks better at night.
#vss365
Awkward/Artless
Neanderthal
Idiotically
Managing
Onerous
Situations
Imitating
Thick-headed
Yobs
#vss365 #animosity
#acrostic
“Your company seems to be the best company these days,” I said.
She looked at me the way her mother used to. As if I am beyond repair, forever a kid in oldie’s garb.
It’s that smile in her eyes I love and miss. That keeps me #motivated to see another dawn. That alone.
#vss365
"Loving isn't easy, my child. That's not an excuse. I could have avoided hurting you, your mother. God! One good thing I had, and I couldn't control myself. #Overwhelmed? With what? Not an excuse. I won't say sorry. How can I say that when I didn't let you have a life?"
#vss365
Stars still give me the creeps.
"The Celestial Creep," Ramu said, "our first serial killer. The insides laid out based on a pattern of the stars. Never a #rushed job."
We counted the patterns in the sky. We knew we could be next.
Ramu writes fiction now. For kids.
#vss365
Here, B2D manage events. From birth to death.
For our wedding, we were in spacesuits. The priest too. Vows were kept to the minimum.
For consummation, she was Cruella de Vil and I Master Bates. Original & #enlivening!
They will take care of murder and disposal too.
#vss365
What's happened to us?
As a tragicomedy, it is a #boffo.
Why are we so bitter?
If only the world was a lot less Kafkaesque.
If only we could quit our Mittyesque selves.
What will we be then?
The old us?
Why were we so hollow?
#vss365
Borrowed from my old 'pome' 'tsk tsk tsk':
"Quiz. 64."
"Quint. 42. Thank you."
"Most welcome. #Quintessence. 122."
"That's how you are in love too. Cheat!"
"How did I cheat, my love?"
"Don't you dare call me love."
"Your time is up."
"Nope. Exorcist. 54."
#vss365
The Residents Association of this ‘gated’ community was not surprised when #apprised of the award for fairness and adherence to Constitutional Rights.
They removed unwanted elements from this Utopia by denying water supply and by using caste discrimination.
#vss365
#truestory
10th day without water supply.
#Trivandrum
#VanchiyoorWard
Did you call me an #introvert?
Did you hear me when I cried for help?
Did you want more sycophancy?
Did you discard all principles?
Did you do all that not to be like me?
#vss365
“Looks like it’s #Awaken The Ghosts day.”
“Really?”
“That one has no shadow.”
“Nice party trick.”
“Look at that one. No reflection.”
“Why don’t you look at yours?”
“Oh my god! Why do I look so pale? Need a drink. How about you?”
“I am having your blood.”
#vss365
This is based on the ‘handshake joke’ we tried when juvenile.
Go to a person and say, “I’m an alien trying to learn your ways. Can I ask you questions? You reply. Then ask me the same and I will reply. Ok? Let’s shake hands during that.”
Then, ask about name, age, food, etc. Finally, “How do you have sex?”
When the earthling asks the same after explaining, the alien will point at the shaking hands and say, “Like this.”
Yeah, yeah, terribly juvenile but a good way to be kept at a distance.
How I wish I could write,
A poem, or story,
Share my thoughts for some time,
To feel, you with me,
If not me with you.
How I wish I could love,
Not #furtive, nor aping,
Give you all that I can,
To have, trust again,
If not mine yours.
#vss365
#vss365
Which tool for the day, my old pal,
Stiletto or #serrated knife?
When one is young and full of dreams,
None can change life and thoughts like you,
The clock will not stop in that frame,
It will for the eye of the soul.
One then acts with the aim to fail,
Like that love note sent with no name,
Death you taught well from far to close,
How to lose a dream and still sleep.
Old habits die hard.
"I love you."
"What do you want?" 10 yo but familiar with the #draconian rules of love.
"Shank the Skunk should sleep with the fishes."
His 3 older bros ruined my rep.
Those 3 words still get the same Q.
B4 I scoot.
Thrice burnt, forever shy.
#vss365
After ‘The Lovers’, we went to the Empty Room. Frisked each other for weapons.
Topic: 'extramarital affairs'.
When two are #besotted with the idea of Socratic questioning, the walls turn red.
After the topic 'butter' (name the film), the windows had to be boarded up.
#vss365
One of the reasons for the survival of the dreadful caste system is that it is often difficult to prove caste discrimination.
"Do not engage in identity politics," the offender usually says.
If it looks like it, and feels like it, it is caste discrimination.
#CasteDiscrimination
The former Ward Councillor cried.
“Remember that project when we covered the stinking canal? I did NOT get a single penny from that. The MLA got his share.”
I felt sad for her.
The #tax-paying hoi polloi get their pink slip in better ways. Just a kick in the butt.
#vss365
Is it #skulduggery
Or #hardwired idiocy
When a citizen votes
For none of the above
Methinks that's the right path
Of all by all for all...
#vss365
#NOTA
There are black truths, white lies and #bleached in-betweens.
Here’s one of those.
I did not love you.
Yes, we were good to/with/for each other.
But.
I killed you.
(And myself.)
In too many ways.
Literally and figuratively.
(This included.)
#vss365
On the S-Bahn to Potsdam, two ladies in a loving embrace (like Rodin's 'The Kiss') mesmerized us.
On the way to (another) office, we walked slowly, 2 ft apart, never touching, whispering about the night before.
from 'A #Critique Of Outdoor Eroticism', 4th ed., $12.99.
#vss365
Go six feet under,
Memories, sweet and bad,
Beneath the vacuum
In this vault without light.
It's the eyes, the smile,
The trust, if you must know,
Those that are etched deep,
The breasts, the place for me.
When our lives were snuffed out,
Did You gain #fractured faith?
#vss365
Never call a #truce,
Says 'The Art of War and Peace'.
That keeps both at bay.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
“Is this CD, the Complaints Division?”
“What is your problem?”
“Water.”
“Go to him.”
“But, he’s the one who’s not giving me water.”
“Ok, go to her.”
“Will she help?”
“She will tell you to go to him. This is CD, the #Canoodling Devils.”
#vss365
The first meeting with my agent:
"Area of interest?"
"Romance with normal people."
"I don't promote fiction with farmer, poet, cashier, #librarian, ornithologist, superheroes, doctor. That's usually smut."
"Banker, lawyer?"
"Romance?"
"Politician?"
"Death wish?"
#vss365
June 3.
The last rom-com was taken off the air. Even a gender-free sexless from death to life show could not save the genre.
Love is not a commodity worth selling. It involves too much pain too little gain.
Poets Anonymous members now write about a #crush on an alien.
#vss365
One session with the marriage counselor fixed us.
"Understand the #architecture," he said, "the love."
"Love gave every action something extra," I said.
"I miss being part of the other even subconsciously," she said.
We had to leave the structure built with another.
#vss365
“Tchah! Stereotypes and misconceptions, thy name is man.
Blue skies, green canopy,
Vales and dale, brook and #willow,
My hair these vines,
My arms these caressing tendrils,
The birds and the bees,
Remembering pulp romance?
A few four-letter words
Used, misused...
#vss365
from an old short story of mine.
Sorry, just not in a state to pen something new.
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/12/4-deal.html
"What a lovely name for your baby? So...green!"
"I was so brokenhearted. My hubby finished off the three-moose MIL made."
"Tiramisu?"
"Oh, these names!"
"Brokenhearted? Did you mean D-e-i-d-r-e?"
"Oops! What's Deer-#drey then?"
"Deer in squirrel’s nest?"
"Chweet!"
#vss365
"You told me to trust fantasy more than reality. I told you I had no fantasy left. I know your fantasy you said."
"Naughty?"
"A little. Those calls! You used to #ramble on and on about the latest in physics."
"The precursor of modern phone-sex?"
"A bedtime story.”
#vss365
from
an old short story of mine 'The Liars':
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-liars.html
Dead #diurnal dreams,
Nasty nocturnal nightmares.
That's my life these days.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
#NoWaterSupply (sixth day)
#Trivandrum (rotten administration)
Light from a half-moon gave me shadows to chase.
A touch woke me up. Or, was it the smell of jasmine?
She touched my face and then my chest.
We undressed slowly and made love. I heard voices.
"The worst is over."
"Not when the virgin realizes it's a #delirium."
#vss365
from an old short story of mine called 'Stochastic Resonance'.
I use an old acquaintance as a character in this story. A few days back, I got to know that he ended his life by jumping in front of a train. Prayers for him.
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/08/stochastic-resonance.html
Another dull day.
It was raining. Traffic was nasty. On top of a hill, the car brake failed.
Had a vision.
Plastered on some wall. The skewered #brindled man. Well done like a juicy tikka.
Drove 2 km to the workshop. A dull drive with prayer, no incident.
#vss365
#truestory
I didn't expect it. I'd even given up on it. No dearth of excuses either.
Blame the #bower of fear and expectation I called shelter.
Keeping it is going to be tougher. With my history of self-defeating destructive mentality.
Somehow, love should be free of enclosure.
#vss365
With you,
Every hour the #gloaming comes early,
Hand in hand skin to skin,
Breathing in the unsaid words,
Edging till we are crazy,
In our world away from all,
The many-hued one,
Saved by a late summer rain.
#vss365
The house with a hole in its roof isn't a place for ghosts. People go there, within that once-#riparian now-pedestrian forest, to find themselves. Life's never the same again. To find, to lose, to never find again, to lose forever. It's no place for ghosts. Who listens?
#vss365
"Class! Today, let's share our thoughts on #ethos, pathos and logos."
(Silence.)
"Arjun, why don't you start?"
"Those are the three Musketeers, right?"
"Swapna?"
"Ah Persuasion!
In any form, freedom bound
By you, heart or mind."
"Out, you two!"
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
My curse is my luck,
(my brain sizzles
in this hot #aer with no hydor
but that's not at play here)
When she left
I survived
To keep her alive,
When life crumbled
I stood among the ruins
Without falling once,
There's no release
From this jail
With no locks no exit.
#vss365
At first, I was a fanatic,
like every lad with too much god
fancying himself as an immortal #aster;
Then, a leftist,
a Woodstock wannabe not the good-
for-nothing leech in a party;
Finally, a capitalist,
when I have no money I'll
defend your right even if I hate it.
#vss365
Then,
these steps took us to the water
where I tried to swim (what a joker)
(the ladies right across)
Now,
these steps reach rocks
and mud (and the silence of a graveyard)
(the abused river shies away)
There,
I will #lock my soul in her depths
(to hurt her more?)
#vss365
"Who should I vote for?"
"What's the choice?"
"A scholar brown-nosing to the manner born."
"Scumbag. The others?"
"Supporters of killers."
"Fit for a Wild West #saga?"
"Beam me up, Scotty."
#vss365
I scurried forward like a #rat, turned around. There were three thick-set men with machetes.
"What did I do?"
"This is what you get when you go after another’s woman."
"Woman? There's not one even in my dreams."
"Hush! We will leave you in one piece. What a pity!"
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2016/10/bumpkin.html
"If your husband says let's walk to the river for a talk, run in the opposite direction!"
That's the first tip I got after my wedding.
He said that now. I'll go. A #brush with death? Or, the end? Damn!
I love him. In a way.
I love his brother too. In another way.
#vss365
from an old short story of mine 'King Solomon's Wife':
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2021/04/king-solomons-wife.html
It must be love
If I come back to you
When
I'm high ready to conquer all,
Blood is #fluid but does not flow,
I build flimsy barricades,
I don't have another fight,
oh the list goes on, does it not,
All I want to do is to rest
At your feet, calm chaotic one.
#vss365
We were on a cliff-
To jump or make love-
A poetic line crept in,
A pebble to trouble,
Not a #stone to rest upon.
She saved the moment,
Succinctly,
"Don't!"
We hate poets
Moaning about lost love
Or war or Nature
Before paella
Or idli-sambhar.
Jump
Or
F...
Be kind.
#vss365
My loveboat's #Captain,
Life is good sharing this view!
(I'm in your blind spot.)
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
There's much to rage about,
From vacuous relationships
To open discrimination,
But it's better to be silent
In a place perfect for that,
Maybe not in a #desert,
But do sit under the hot sun,
Let the nonsense simmer,
Pray for a suitable end
For the fool that's you.
#vss365
Will the steps take me to you,
Will you lead me to the deep,
Those are the wrong questions...
When I am here for respite
From guilt and barter or is to feel
That lost touch with carelessness...
questions shying away from the #light
with no admission in the shadows...
#vss365
Bewitched by our vows:
"...till you lie in a #corpse_fjord."
A gunshot wedding.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu
Beneath the #sea_thatch,
There's warmer water, they say.
A soul after life.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
"How do I write a poem about the #grief_of_the_elm_tree ?"
"Write about the wind."
"How will that help?"
"Trust me. Just do it."
"O careless dear wind,
Why did you leave the tree bare
To let the sun peep?
What now?"
"Leave it as it is, a failed #haiku or #senryu."
#vss365
Malayalees are dissatisfied with & unappreciative of everything. If the Eiffel Tower had been in Kerala, we would have said, "Bah! It's not even gold-plated."
Because of this, we did not hero worship. The incumbents always lost in elections.
I mean, in the past.
#CommonPeople
It was the #anvil_of_joy
When I could forget myself
And you were me
Awake or subconscious,
When you went and I am none,
Prayed for the last attack
On this unused abused metal
With echoes of past tremors.
#vss365
Today, in my mother's village, a politician contributed something to the village temple.
Trying to get into the junta's good books.
My uncles arranged payasam (a sweet) for the occasion.
"Why the payasam?" I asked.
"How else will you get people for the show?!"
#CommonPeople
It's election time.
I'm busy
With questions
For them.
R u free of bigots,
I might ask or,
The 10/7 H@m@s @tt@ck,
Was it a trr0rist @tt@ck,
Or,
The Query,
Did u give Water
when we begged.
Rhetorical questions!
Wasted #battle_sweat.
I'll stare at the sun.
Ignore them.
#vss365
"Arjun, did you just wish me Happy Women's Day?"
"Yes, Swapna."
"Bah!"
"Come on, I say it on the day I worship the #elf_glory."
"Is it today?"
"No, every day."
"Do you worship the chariot or the rider Sól?"
"Do you have to ask?"
"Bah!"
"To you too."
#vss365
In a triptych;
Three ladies then, confident, a bit unsure, one tired, two less so and smiling;
Them, a quarter of a century later, bright, successful, all smiling;
And, a lady like them, with a then, without a now,
When life vanished, #feathers_fall in a dry desert.
#vss365
My life would have been so much better if I had realized that:
1. Others think I am an idiot;
2. Lovers and friends can't understand what I say in those rare instances when they are interested in what I say; and,
3. Heads of state, elected representatives and government are not as powerful as the local chieftain (eg, residents association bigwig).
The road to fascism is paved with flimsy tiles that seem to be there for the common good aka appeasing the majority.
The road to a truly democratic state is rough and tortuous with bare tough ground for those who believe in equality.
#EqualityForAll
#Democracy
#HumanRights
"Don't touch our water!"
In my mother's village, even the politicians would take a stand against that.
But, not here in the middle of Trivandrum city, a mile from the CM's office, in Vanchiyoor ward.
Here:
1. A valve installed by the KWA and to be used in extreme situations was destroyed by scoundrels so that a member of the Guru's family would not get the basic minimum of a basic human right.
2. In the last 32 days, we got water on 7 days: Feb 3, 5, 7, 8, 12, 19, 28. On Feb 28, it was a meager 1000L.
3. In this water line, people with multiple houses and rental property seem to be getting enough and more. In the best of times, they get water 24x7 while we get for 2 hours around 4 am.
So sick of such a sick place.
"Arjun, give me an example of a #kenning?"
"Kenning? What's that?"
"Swapna?"
"Ultra-irritant: politician?"
"Not exactly. Arjun, want to try?"
"Oh, Ma'am, how about majority-appeaser: fascist?"
"I think you two should go to the library and read about it."
#vss365
