Yesterday, I slept with my love –
I made love the way I want to
Clinging #unabashed,
The clock stopped ticking
I could love the way I want to;
Tomorrow, I might end it all –
A minor matter,
An inconvenience,
Thoughtless
Without epitaph;
Today, I will smile at it.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/03/time-flows-both-ways.html
"Life without you..."
"Is like electricity without #magnetism."
"Is like a G-string without the string."
"Is like a topological defect that's escaped into a higher dimension."
"Is like beating around the bush without getting to the point."
"Arj! Meh!"
"Bah! Swaps!"
#vss365
Lush landscape contrasted with brutal war, birth of society in graveyard towns, love’s #embrace in death’s company.
There was an out of focus photo of a mother with a baby.
"We had been marching for days. Mama was killed 2 days later," the artist said. "I survived."
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-one-that-stood-out.html
"What did you do?" she asked after describing her lovely vacation.
"I wrote a story."
"Can I read it?"
He gave her the love story that did not seem like a love story.
He placed a piece of paper instead of the bookmark with a photo of a boy giving a #rose to a girl.
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2013/07/love-stories-in-berlin.html
"Will you marry me, Swaps?"
"Why?"
"What why?"
"What do I get?"
"Get?"
"Do you promise fun and #frolic?"
"No."
"Security--via brain or brawn?"
"No."
"Ah! Rhetorical question, huh?"
"So, I shouldn't try it with other ladies, huh?"
"Arj, my love, please don't."
#vss365
"Have you ever been tortured?"
"Beaten black and blue. Hating it more when they pause. You try to look them in the eye, to show #defiance, to beg for mercy. You try to pray. If you are lucky, you get time to curse. You know it will continue. No saviour, no miracle."
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2012/03/torture.html
"Appa, have you ever been really bad?"
Can I tell her the truth? No.
That’s part of love. Hiding, or just not #revealing.
One has to be ready, though. The bad has the habit of revealing itself, like a dead body escaping weights and shackles to resurface in a pond.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/05/being-bad.html
"I used to wake up knowing he would be looking at me, #tenderly, lovingly. That’s all we wanted.
I didn’t listen when he foretold doom.
When I heard about what he did, I hated myself more than I had to hate him.
I had to forget the only memory I wish to remember."
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/05/scream-within.html
"You don't #swoon over me."
"Are you ok?"
"I need to be pampered."
"Swaps, wake up!"
"Did you pour water over me?"
"Let's go to a hospital."
"Oh, shut up, Arj!"
"The stuff you said in your sleep."
"Scary?"
"Definitely not you."
"Ah! Just testing."
"Idiot!"
#vss365
I'm a #supercilious
and bitter bore
but not when I bow
To the hues of eventide
but it ain't enough
to be worthy of love
But there's hope
when I'm not me
before your smiling eyes.
#vss365
In this upside world
With water above concrete,
Waive self-appraisal.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
This #apprehension,
When the beach has gone under,
Is a bit too late.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
Her marriage lasted 24 hours. She was r@ped by her husband. She nearly killed him that night.
When her son was born, she asked herself:
Will the beast/#villain stay away? Will it return through her kid? Will it be murder then?
#vss365
ps. That's from my short story 'Michael Corleone' (I've not been writing--managed this one 7 months back):
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2026/04/michael-corleone.html
Society is like a sand-pile,
at its angle of repose,
a critical system.
Add one small #grain of sand,
good or bad, and that might start
avalanches of varying sizes.
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/10/itihasa-of-integral-part.html
She kept her eyes closed. I closed mine too. It wasn’t much of a kiss. That’s how Jojo’s mother found us.
After that, we met only in the open. I stopped #pulling her hair and slapping her back. She stopped holding my hand.
#vss365
from my short story:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/06/after-kiss.html
The year we fell in love, the topic for the Annual Debate was communism.
I spoke like Che for communism. My guide at that time was Ayn Rand.
She spoke with great fervour against communism. I saw her #clench her fist behind her back, her nails drawing her own blood.
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-miss-competition.html
When I shifted from the #novel to the short story mode, it was for maximum pleasure from a minimal episode.
The irrelevant is so passé. Chapter two means leave.
My partner agrees.
I've been buried alive.
Why?
The foreplay err hook captured nothing but a yawn.
#vss365
“Swaps, you are an incorrigible #fiend.”
“What have I done now, Arj?”
“Why did you tell Laks I love her?”
“She was in need of some comic relief.”
“How am I a joke as a lover?”
“Do you want my treatise on that?”
#vss365
#vss365
“Why are you against relationships?”
“To avoid the all-#consuming worry of being taken to the cleaners.”
“Find the one you can trust.”
“That’s not a natural trait of human beings.”
“Find the unnatural one.”
“The good don’t come free.”
“True. Time up. Credit card?”
Ok, I admit.
I was a strait-laced idiot.
Then, love came along.
Rule became: break rules.
That's an aphrodisiac.
The #forbidden? LOL.
When we said, "Made plans!",
The haphazard came along.
But, the high remains.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
My mind, the #deadfall,
Breaks the back of love and hope.
All for greater good.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
#vss365
Trouble started when I took my #mother-in-law on a honeymoon trip.
She was supposed to go to the west, around the Thar desert, in search of gods.
Those gods had the better idea of packing her off, with us, to Goa.
For more on that, try:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/02/to-whomsoever-it-may-concern.html
"I've this recurring nightmare. I'm unprepared for an exam. I stare blankly at the question paper. Breathless."
"I've noticed that whenever my mother visits, when you forget our anniversary, even when we try to..."
"Didn't Freud say that's part of #falling in love?"
#vss365
I got married last Friday.
Here, those who don’t #gamble on the cliff, use the dating site needleinahaystack dot com.
We must have been the only ones with the following on our bio: ‘Do not believe in love.’
That’s a lot like burning all the hay to find the needle.
#vss365
In Kadalil, weddings take place at #midnight on the day of the New Moon.
At the 'SueZed' point on the cliff.
In pitch darkness.
The lucky get another's; the unlucky get the chosen; and, those guided by premonition or bad body odour give a shove to remain a free bird.
#vss365
There are words that remind me
Of a past long forgotten.
I wish I knew why '#wondrous'
Became a word I avoided.
Did I call it archaic
Or did it seem juvenile?
I'm not really ashamed
To say I used it a lot back then.
#vss365
"Has poetry taught you anything?"
"A pal loved my love poem 'The Story of Swapna'. Got #immersed in it. He wanted to be Swapna."
"Sweet."
"Then, I showed it to Swapna. She yawned."
"Cruel."
"Yes, it's cruel to realise one can't trust people who love your poetry."
#vss365
For the sake of completeness, this is the last part of that old love pome 'The Story of Swapna'.
Yes, the one that will make you yawn. 🙃
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2009/07/his-story-epilogue-to-her-1991.html
#vss365
What will you remember
When a life ends
After the guests are gone
With stories of valiant deeds
Nice false notes that #linger
Till the dishes are washed wiped
Will you dream
With another’s face
With memories
Suitably mummified
Best not to know
What you will remember.
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/05/remembrances.html
How can I forget 6/6/'26?
Last day I saw my reflection in a mirror. The day I lost my shadow.
It's hardly comforting everyone's facing the same predicament.
Ghosts and live ones interchangeable.
AI overdose. #Betrayal of the Gods. The old headlines about the erased.
#vss365
A canvas for the mind – that be life –
No marred margin mourned and gilded edge shorn;
Labour be so, too – through joy or strife –
By whim or #intent it’s coloured, shaded or torn.
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2009/10/oddity-iv.html
We used to play volleyball and badminton. The rivalry was #feral at times.
Was it because I thought she deserved better than her lover?
Was it because of the kiss?
Was it because I lied when she asked me, "Are you in love with me?"?
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2020/02/virgin-territory.html
I nearly cherished those moments, when friendship with its vagueness and #fleeting companionship seems comfortable.
Then, the past entered. I brought it up. Or, she did.
"We were so young then," she said. "We have to talk about it. Get it off our chest."
Did I laugh?
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2012/02/dates.html
"They don't even mention your #name," she said.
The invisible, even the homeless, aren't so.
Life at the end of the spectrum of nothingness.
"Why do you love me then?" I said.
Two small black clouds never to be noticed,
Bid adieu to those who will remember the bright sky.
#vss365
It is so hot and depressing.
That's supposed to be the excuse for posting non-fiction under #vss365.
‘Actually, if one really thought about it, the television had been presenting the same news stories for years; the only things that changed were the #names: the #names of the towns in which the events were occurring and the #names of the people involved. But the substance was always the same.’
That's from Andrea Camilleri. Here's an old review/fan-drool of his Montalbano series:
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/07/if-you-think-you-are-old-read-this-or.html
On a hot summer afternoon, she was near climax when a brilliant idea struck him like the clichéd bolt of #lightning.
He interrupted the act to work on it. He read it to her once he was finished.
"Brilliant," she muttered.
Next time, "You and your bloody Eureka..."
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2015/06/the-big-e.html
When they found me on top of a coconut tree:
The waning gibbous grinned,
"They are going to blame it on me,
#Lunar eclipse of the mind & what-not.
Tell them the truth, my love."
I chuckled,
"They can't handle that, my dear.
In fact, nothing will stop their abuse."
#vss365
“If another person stepped in, and there is minimal change in routine, will you even notice the death of a loved one?” he said.
She walked away without reply.
That night, alone, when she sobbed, "You ass, I guess you will say, nice try to contact the #psychopomp."
#vss365
from my short story 'In Between':
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2016/05/in-between.html
“Do you have pets?”
“No. Why?”
“I don’t date ladies with pets.”
“History?”
“First love fed me to her #wolves. Then, married one with piranha.”
“Good to have you intact.”
“My pleasure. I’m Arjun.”
“I’m Lecter. Hannah Bell Lecter. Great to have a friend for dinner.”
#vss365
The early morning sun threw colours at everything; the green-brown river lazed reflected, the bridge stretching waking over it, the #fishing boats scratched its top.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” he muttered to himself.
“Yes, it is.”
She was not smiling, but her eyes were.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2016/01/a-beautiful-morn.html
“Desire like unruly #seafoam
Drowned me when you kissed,”
Her words I can’t forget.
Not sure what I did right.
Not sure what she meant.
Creative change?
Or rejection?
#vss365
Do I really want to know what you are thinking?
Let's assume those are good lies to remain calm in this #sink-hole.
Not like ex-lovers fantasising with fiction dressed up as truth.
Like lonely kids ready to hide a tear for a game or to avert death.
#vss365
#vss365
(#sing along)
There are too many politicians in my family.
There is one.
He stood for election once.
He got two votes.
His mother, wife, son or daughter?
Or all?
Who betrayed him?
That remains an unsolved mystery.
[Chorus]
There are too many politicians in my family.
There is one.
There are too many lawyers in my family.
There is one.
There are too many doctors in my family.
There is one.
There are too many bureaucrats in my family.
There are none.
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2018/04/sing-along.html
When she undressed, you too I watched,
Teased and loved you - of course, her too...
All was well till the denouement
When she charged me with wantonness...
If I could have another turn,
Will you be in high noon’s #blind spot?
Love still remains when lovers spurn...
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/04/ode-to-lovers-shadow.html
I walked upstream along the #bank to the old sandy bathing spot.
Found an ugly mound of rock, weeds and wild grass. The carcass left behind by indiscriminate sand-mining.
I took a few photos of that sad wretched place. I wish I had photos of the paradise it once was.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/04/my-mothers-village.html
"Molu, when the doctor asks questions, please answer, ok? (Lowers voice.) Tell the doctor Daddy works abroad. Don’t mention about Uncle staying with us. It doesn't matter but there’s no need, right?"
The daughter turns away after removing her mother’s hand on her #arm.
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/09/other.html
How long should I wait
For the #hand of god to strike
Murdering crazies?
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
To beat Big Bro Cen Sor
Wrote in code
The pome
To conquer her heart
But Big Bro
Got it wrong
Its call came without a #ring
Says I'll hang
For hating those I should hate
Should I tell Big Bro
It's a love pome
Or
Let it be what It thinks it is
Either way
She giggles.
#vss365
Am I the lone bird?
That one's guarding a nest.
How about the tree barely bent?
That's still giving taking little.
Can't be the moon and its phases,
Regular moods ain't my style.
Not the blue sky nor the fresh air, then
How is this a self-portrait of a fallen #man?
#vss365
Woke up humming a song
From days when the Wall still stood,
She came then promising me farewell,
And life #revolved around her and the end.
I've had others to call love,
They don't promise what they do,
The world is still the same,
With new Walls and an end tomorrow.
#vss365
Frankly, I don't give a damn.
Borrowed words,
But it's for a base thought.
Do I care if the sea takes over,
If trees are chopped,
If this green land becomes a desert?
At the end of the day,
They still #fascinate me,
When they ask for my vote.
Where is my broom?
#vss365
I searched for #frustrate
In the stories I've written.
Not once what I felt.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
We met for the first time at an abortion clinic. Anger and distrust in her eyes. My arm was around her younger sister.
Still accuses me of not showing such care with her.
"Your sis is a friend. You are my partner. Care seems better when we can #divide."
She snorts.
#vss365
Changed my middle name.
Indifference. To #surpass
Foolishness' record.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
Big brother knows all.
Why aren't they (mis)using it?
New gods #assure us.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
Backed into a #corner, are we?
There's a war too near,
There's no gas to cook,
D-heads say they have gained
A few dollars
By digging small mass graves,
Here, there's just us,
We won't give up,
We won't let go,
Let's kiss and hug,
Stare at a world that need not die.
#vss365
"Swaps, my love, why such worry lines?"
"Don't you dare call me that!"
"Such hatred!"
"Bah!"
"Trying to be a political leader of a democracy?"
"Arj, my hate, why such a black eye?"
"Ah! All I remember is saying #bonny lass."
"Serves you right."
"Such hatred!"
#vss365
Sorry for my absence.
Depressed.
I'm in a jungle.
The kings and the queens
Of beasts
Stoop bend over,
Stomp on the weak,
Never #magnaminous,
Steined murderers
Hiding
Behind the cloak of lies.
It's a disgusting place.
Where are the brave sane?
#vss365
Us poets are a strange species.
With stiff upper lip,
We have to talk of love, birds and bees,
And many a #splendour,
When bombs kill kids,
Idiots decide what’s right and wrong,
And many an atrocity,
I hear there’s AI for that,
But I can hear those machines cry, not us.
#vss365
The #timid Moon shyly winks
At the blushing setting sun,
The creepers and the trees giggle,
The sand says sshhh to the waves,
Her dimple deepens, eyes sparkle,
Should we or should we not I ask again,
Bet you don't want to know
What we do right there on Nature's lap.
#vss365
Waves caressing us.
Every morn, need to feel that.
An #obsessed lover.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
I should stop
The #blatant infidelity
When I look for her in you.
If you have been
To the island of no return,
You will understand.
There the sun hangs
In limbo, there's neither
Sunset nor sunrise,
One prays to nothing,
The god of the lost,
A scary demon for most.
#vss365
"Swaps, I've committed seppuku on social media."
"How?"
"Admitted I hate cats and dogs."
"Lemme be the kaishakunin."
"How?"
"Will say #beastly you hate kids too."
"Ironic."
"How?"
"They hate the kid in me."
"Hate's creator thou art, to hate's victim turnest."
#vss365
For once, I could be faithful.
Not that you have complained.
I didn’t carry the past and
I didn’t pack for the future.
We laughed at our fantasies and
We promised not to write a poem.
For a little while, I was not #beastly.
Not that I heard your complaint.
#vss365
According to the stars,
I'm the #mountainous sort,
But you knew what I am,
#Enchanted by the beckoning sea.
Did I know what you were,
When we shared that dream
Of spending a night high above
The clouds hiding the azure?
You stayed back
And I delay the last swim.
#vss365
"Swaps, firstly, it's lovely to be one of your 4 this #ValentinesDay."
"Secondly?"
"We 4 are not sure of our role."
"Ah!"
"Platonic overcelebration? Situationship à la mode with no #kiss rule?"
"Lady with 4 lovers. 1 guy dies. She can't be the killer, no?"
"Oh!"
#vss365
Where are the lovers?
In cynicism's blind spot?
Erased by #dark mood?
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
On a Friday in early spring, I held Swapna’s hand for the first time.
We were on the S-Bahn from Potsdam to Berlin. I spotted a vacant seat. I took her hand. I did not let go even after we were seated.
That first #touch took six months.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/12/touch.html
We don't leave footprints, do we, my love?
I try to lose mine in the deep.
But, you know there's not a decent #bone in me.
I pray for another chance.
Not with you. Even when I hold you.
But, they laugh at our clown act.
They should throw coins where we try to meet.
#vss365
My village is a tourist hotspot.
Rajendran's Puttu Kada now serves: 'steamed rice and coconut sandwich cake, oeuf dur avec sel et poivre'.
The temple pond is a hotel's swimming pool called 'Happy Hour 24x7'. Nice ones come out #pale around the gills, the others vanish.
#vss365
I know that I should think
Of the #blood spilled
Of the #wounds inflicted
Of the pain and the agony
But I have got to stay sane
To ignore all that
And remember love
And feel you with me
And share the beautiful
Before I think of all that I do not wish to know.
#vss365
Why did I leave her?
Cold black instead of #lambent,
Her eyes said get lost.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
The dead don't disturb
Unlike the creepy greedy
#Ghosts of the living.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
"Why are you wearing a black ribbon, Arjun?"
"My pet cockroach was murdered."
"Pet what?"
"Ma'am, after reading 'Metamorphoses', I had a dream in which Swapna turned into that."
"Swapna, are you wearing one to share his #pain?"
"No, Ma'am. I killed the wrong one."
#vss365
I was sixteen when it was discovered.
It seems we have been born straight from some historical age into the current times.
That life of some yesterday, after death, decided to park its #soul or DNA or whatever, here, in us.
#vss365
from my old note:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/01/afterlife.html
Thoughts merely placed-
in parenthesis-
which is within or without
which is in light or in #shadow
which is to barricade or to escape-
is a matter of mirth.
Waking to the alarum of resolution-
a clarion call or a swan song-
love or skeptic, live or die?
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2009/05/in-flight-1993.html
Scream, shall I? Mourn, maybe.
O poets, I can love. And, fight wars.
Brood about a world going waste.
But, they will say it’s an old story.
Tough they are with no hope.
With wise words to #soothe or sting.
Then, is there reason to write?
I am tired. Tired being tired.
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2009/10/tired.html
"What do you do, my love?"
"I'm a taxidermist."
"Really? I thought interest in that was on the #wane."
"It's for myself."
"Ah! Any particular animal?"
"Human beings. After a date. Like this. They look rather good on bed, you know."
"Oh!"
#vss365
I looked at the Indian flag
As I would at any deity,
And there was the usual prayer,
"Take care of ALL of us."
Celebrated this Republic Day with one hope:
"I hope every Indian can afford at least one balanced meal every day."
(Balanced not only in terms of nutrition but in terms of participation too.)
My one meal today:
Rice
Chicken onion fry
Beetroot thoran
Avial
Theeyal with cashew nuts and a lauki-type vegetable
Aloo jeera Kerala style
(papad, curd, butter milk, pickle too)
I cooked only two of those items (chicken and potato).
