I won't be around to #sustain this.
Just a few trees I touch and hug,
Birds I talk to when I'm not alone,
Memories of us promising each other;
No, we didn't do that,
I wasn't here when they needed me,
Didn't I love to be a nomad!
This jekyll-n-hyde life is tiring.
#vss365
"Got up on the wrong side of the bed. But, the day turned out great."
"You sure?"
"Don't spoil my mood, Swaps."
"Hope you will get up on the wrong side of the bed tmrw too."
"You are the black lining of every silver cloud."
"I need the schadenfreude u provide."
#justsaying
The Chief Minister of Keralam wants to shift the Trivandrum zoo.
He wants something like Madison Square in that one and only green space in the city.
The last time they were in power, more than 10 years back, they had plans to create a mall or some concrete jungle in the place of the University Stadium.
Time won't change people.
https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/kerala/cms-plan-to-relocate-city-zoo-triggers-debate/article71473664.ece
#Keralam
I wait for life to #commence
And take each sunset
To be my guide.
It's not the promise of morn
And the rest before
I take within.
Did we not stand hand in hand
And kiss to live
In such fading light?
#vss365
Read a book last night.
There was ‘God’ on every page.
#Sanguine I was not.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
"That speaker's so full of BS."
"I've to agree with you."
"Orotund, highfalutin, fustian."
"Now, you sound like him."
"Swaps, when something's called #esoteric, I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole."
"That too about love."
"Why do people complicate monosyllables?"
#vss365
The murderous expressions in our AI-generated group '80s photo were a surprise.
That would have been dismissed as just a case of Digital #Eloquence Artificially Depicted (DEAD).
If not for those two.
Looking young.
How they were when we buried them alive in '84.
#vss365
#vss365
(Aside: An expt. with a #mélange of tropes.)
"Come in."
"Thank you."
"The bedroom is to your left. The kitchen to your right."
I go to the bedroom. Undress. She hands over an apron. I wear just that. I go to the kitchen and cook.
We have dinner. At two tables. Candle-light.
I remove the apron after washing the dishes.
She's waiting in the bedroom. I pick up an envelope on the dresser.
"Count."
I do that.
"Enough?"
"Yes."
"Come here."
Great actors make perfect partners. She said that on our 1st anniversary 40 yrs back.
Our e-mail communication increased. Talked lots on the phone too. Confided nearly all.
It's tough to pinpoint the source of fracture of that edifice.
Divergent views on inconsequential matters, mismatched expectations, old fears in new guise, #intuition or bad omens?
#vss365
from an old short story:
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-funny-valentine.html
My Muse vanished,
Taking with Her all the words
I need
To sound less foolish;
With Her by my side,
I could
Have used susurrus and
Petrichor and #moonglade and
Frangipani, that's a lovely one I can't use now.
Ah! If only I hadn't chased Her
Away
With monosyllables.
#vss365
"Swaps, do you know a love story that's not creepy?
Unnaturally sticking together through thick and thin;
Obsession with every moment together;
the near-stalking, the clinging on;
They turn life that's a #palimpsest into a gravestone;
And, worst of all,
The poetry it triggers.
Brrr…
Makes my skin crawl."
"You need a cold bath."
"Be serious."
"Don't think like moi, Arj."
#vss365
I get off the train at a place that should be Nowhere.
At the steps, a lady not just lovely and I stare at each other the 30 secs to walk past.
#Adroit senses kill the frivolous. Says the memory will last if it's minimal.
Graffiti tells my tale. Titled 'Nothing Much'.
#vss365
"Why the stupid smile?"
"Swaps, kids these days miss so much. Back then, even a phone call required #reconnoitre and subterfuge. For your folks, I was Anila. And, braving a bash up if your 4 big bros found out."
"Ah! Kids these days don't have to think below the belt."
#vss365
#poem ?
I was reading a love poem
And I didn't feel a thing;
It was the same with erotica,
And the same old sad stuff;
There are memories of us in all that,
Sweet and sad and bloody hot and all that;
But there's another image,
Haunting, more than her brain dead;
I can't remember the joke
But I can't forget her
Doubled over, in stitches,
Punching me, god, that was sexy;
Come on, someone, do what I can't do,
Make me laugh and give these tears a bad name.
"Want to be that bird.
Above all and a recluse.
"Hiding?" they #console."
"Still trying to be a poet? No stories?"
"If a reader quits after one line of poetry, it's just the norm. If the reader does that to a story, it's just useless."
"The easy life of the mediocre."
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
"Oye Zero, why all the #tissues?"
"Met a girl I nearly married."
"And?"
"Nothing."
"What did you do?"
"Girls have to do all these days."
"And, she scooted? Btw, sad face suits you."
"Can't you say oof, Swaps?"
"Not when all you do, and think, is to do nothing."
#vss365
"If this doesn’t work out, I would like the parting of ways to be amicable."
"I too have a request."
"Yes?"
"Let’s leave the past alone."
I thought that would be one of the plus points.
A talking #pillow perfect for therapeutic catharsis of the self?
I shrugged.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/05/seconds.html
When democracies around the world gave way to the whims of authoritarian rule, the village scoffed at the news.
Their own legal system seemed intact.
When her fear became known, that too began to crumble.
A #poster came up in the market.
“Even gods are hypocrites.”
#vss365
from my short story 'Michael Corleone':
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2026/04/michael-corleone.html
"Stay at the Galle Face Hotel. Opened in 1864. You can sleep with Noel Coward and Carrie Fisher," they say. "There are grand rooms with four-#poster beds."
I dreamt of a four-poster bed. I was with a lady who knows how to use it a la Fifty Shades of Grey Part Femme.
#vss365
from my old Colombo travelogue:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2017/04/incomplete-unedited-notes-colombo.html
“Why are you sulking?”
“He’s a #sponge! I’d spent more when I invited him.”
“Come on, it’s the thought that matters.”
“Yeah right, I will keep that in mind the next time we make love.”
“So, that’s your problem, huh?”
“You are the one who insisted on quid pro quo.”
#vss365
After a brief honeymoon phase, we were asexual.
We do not want to have a baby. To cut the #cord or to erase the link. For whatever reason. People thought we were noble.
Were we trying to hurt the other or oneself?
Our therapist guessed that.
We denied, of course.
#vss365
At a Bangalore scientific conference, a scientist talked about natural and man-made disasters.
His conclusion: disasters are a result of random events, with no memory of past events.
If there is a God, he or she plays fair #dice, the speaker said, inviting brickbats.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2015/02/11-steps-to-end.html
Why am I thinking
Of a #towel smothering
When I see these clouds?
#vss365
#senryu #haiku ?
#AI
The best thing about AI is that it has magnified the importance of all things untouched by AI.
Who believes what's on blogs, matrimonial sites, photo shoots and any 'feed'?
Face-to-face interaction must have an extra appeal these days. There too, one can't trust the visual aspect. What has been artificially enhanced?
But then, what about the people who can sound AI-generated?
Remember that old pal who spoke whole texts from a P.G. Wodehouse novel?
(Aside: With that last line, did I reveal that I am decades older than Gen Z?)
"The #kettles these days fail soon after warranty ends. Can't even be repaired."
"Marriages don't last that long. Sans repair sans warranty."
"Do you have to bring that up all the time?"
"Only when you delay my morning cup of tea."
"Cup or mug?"
"Grrr, Misterrr."
#vss365
During dinner–
she wanted news, he #soap,
watched sports;
one farted, the other burped,
washed the dishes together;
In the bedroom–
silence,
then,
one said, "you love me, no?",
the other, "yes, you love me?",
nodded in the dark,
mumbling,
"I want to be me."
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/09/i-want-to-be-me.html
He brushed dust from his clothes, tucked in his shirt, adjusted his underwear, zipped up, took out a #comb, combed his hair and mustache.
I slipped. He turned. Saw me. Looked bored. Raised a finger to his lips. Walked away.
I saw a body near the unmarked grave then.
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/05/scream-within.html
On that powerless night,
The kids waited for the zombies
The elders had let loose.
A trench full of explosives
Around, the fuse in hand,
Ready to kill evil at first sight.
Nearly.
“Where’s the #matchbox?”
“Next to the candle.”
“And, where’s that?”
“In the water tank.”
#vss365
Satya found a suitable girl through the classified in the newspaper. His folks were there to protest.
‘You are too young,’ they said.
‘You are challenging fate.’
‘If there is no love, death might not strike,’ some #shrewd voices said.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/10/gutter-talk.html
I'm not the #garden type,
More the wild n free,
It's nice to say such
With little to show,
Not even a mirage
Of an oasis.
Blame it on the mood,
Between the cloudburst
And the burning heat,
It's tough to joke n laugh,
Not the time for truth,
I'm nothing, period.
#vss365
"Allied forces calling #evil forces," he said from behind his pillows. "Surrender or face annihilation, rocket-head."
"You'll see Hell, chicken-livered carrot-top!" she said building her own barricade.
The pillows remained intact but the bed crumbled with a loud crack.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2018/05/reunion.html
"Swaps, I had a dream. My love drowns right here.”
“Nightmare, you mean.”
“Oh no, to give her a gentle push is the sweetest #toil. Why are you moving away?”
“Arj, this is all because I used the word equalize in last night’s Scrabble, huh?”
“Cheater.”
“Caveat stulte.”
#vss365
In primary 3, I strayed a little and gave my first love poem to Josephine rather than Swapna.
I must have had this #urge to share my love.
Swapna seemed formidable with her forehand.
Josephine smiled and held my hand. That's all I wanted from love. Then.
And now?
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/12/exposure.html
The first #sprout of love,
Greeted with bemused wonder.
She deserved better.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
🥹
Long ago, I prayed
For #divine retribution.
Oh yes, it hit me.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
🙃
It was #fertile ground for opportunistic racism to take root, a parasite feeding on minds confused by economic turmoil, spreading in the guise of nationalism or religion or some supremacist stupidity.
We joked about it, only to each other, that it felt like home.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/12/touch.html
Infidelity is not a dirty word.
It sounds like one to you.
How we hated the wronged one.
How we coped with the #chaos.
Our love/lust was the true one.
You disliked us for finding a better life.
How you smirked, judged and executed.
How irreverent we were to you god.
#vss365
I fell in love
The day I became invisible
In more ways than visual.
No, that's not an excuse,
I tried to explain to her
In every way unscoffable.
It can't be a coincidence,
She said looking through me
In the way that #tends to be sole-searching.
#vss365
#vss365
Never thought I would share my wildest secret in an online writing contest. Not just any #creation of my feverish mind.
Submitted it only on the last day.
Next day, I got to know my wife's one of the judges.
Something told me she knew about my entry.
That night,
1/2
Are my memories
Of #temptation black and white?
Sixty shades of grey.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
Life's tough on this #coast,
A noose waiting for the fall.
Let's not touch the bad.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
I got into trouble
Feeling guilty
Not about what I was accused of
It's something worse
That I had to think about
If I had thought
About lesser matters
Life would have had fewer
Troubles #descending
Upon the bemused.
#vss365
Books and movies taught me how not to murder.
The brilliance of the act or investigation and twists in the tale are such boring tropes.
I rely on simple boring methods.
My work avoids #cadence and emotion.
To yawn or not to yawn.
That's the only question in life.
#vss365
I got my rural calling one dreary city morn.
I phoned Hosappan.
My decision to #shift to the village was dismissed with “Bah!”
The second call got thoughtful silence.
On the third,
“Are you sure you want to live here?” he asked. “Haven’t you seen ‘Straw Dogs’?”
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2016/10/bumpkin.html
"Class, give me examples of misunderstood lines. Arjun?"
"I was devastated when I understood Frost's 'The #Road Not Taken'. Made me give up on individualism."
"Extreme. Swapna?"
"I choose, 'Wherefore art thou, Arjun?'"
"You mean Romeo?"
"Why is HE Arjun?"
"Cruel."
#vss365
My kids are #turning out to be like their parents.
My girl keeps diaries full of poems, essays and hopeless longing. My boy needs recognition from time to time.
I envy them at times. They have no excuse not to love. They have tried. I can see the bruises.
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/01/confessions-of-lady-next-door-from.html
The past isn’t what it used to be.
Comrades-in-arms walking along—
A half-truth: I walked, they did not.
The future will be what it won’t be.
In ashes or dementia, the best bets.
Strife and penury, there’s #momentum there.
Now, the present isn’t what it is, is it?
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2020/09/snapshots.html
Most days, I wake up as a hero in an epic.
Gods are villains, love's one helluva business,
Friends are expendable, with a murder or two,
#Headwinds are a must, as for handicaps,
It's an Achilles heel from head to toe.
The other days,
I'm the villain,
Life's the same.
#vss365
Am I the voyeur at the Lovers' Park?
Dreaming of being the lover with you?
I need not answer such questions.
With no answer when you had to go.
To #depart with no arrival-
That's my Lady Luck's endless game.
#vss365
We retired to our bedroom.
She cornered the best part of the bed. She feigned sleep. When I touched her, she snarled, ‘Don’t you dare!’
On my uneven side of the bed, resigned to #conquer on another date, I fell asleep immediately. That infuriated her even further.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2012/01/trouble-at-wedding.html
He exhibited his skills, or lack of it, with his stiletto knife. ‘Operation successful but #patient died,’ he quipped at the end of the five finger fillet. He was joking. The man was only nearly dead but a bloody mess.
I've used his services a few times over the years.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/01/inconsequential.html
Yesterday, I slept with my love –
I made love the way I want to
Clinging #unabashed,
The clock stopped ticking
I could love the way I want to;
Tomorrow, I might end it all –
A minor matter,
An inconvenience,
Thoughtless
Without epitaph;
Today, I will smile at it.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/03/time-flows-both-ways.html
"Life without you..."
"Is like electricity without #magnetism."
"Is like a G-string without the string."
"Is like a topological defect that's escaped into a higher dimension."
"Is like beating around the bush without getting to the point."
"Arj! Meh!"
"Bah! Swaps!"
#vss365
Lush landscape contrasted with brutal war, birth of society in graveyard towns, love’s #embrace in death’s company.
There was an out of focus photo of a mother with a baby.
"We had been marching for days. Mama was killed 2 days later," the artist said. "I survived."
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-one-that-stood-out.html
"What did you do?" she asked after describing her lovely vacation.
"I wrote a story."
"Can I read it?"
He gave her the love story that did not seem like a love story.
He placed a piece of paper instead of the bookmark with a photo of a boy giving a #rose to a girl.
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2013/07/love-stories-in-berlin.html
"Will you marry me, Swaps?"
"Why?"
"What why?"
"What do I get?"
"Get?"
"Do you promise fun and #frolic?"
"No."
"Security--via brain or brawn?"
"No."
"Ah! Rhetorical question, huh?"
"So, I shouldn't try it with other ladies, huh?"
"Arj, my love, please don't."
#vss365
"Have you ever been tortured?"
"Beaten black and blue. Hating it more when they pause. You try to look them in the eye, to show #defiance, to beg for mercy. You try to pray. If you are lucky, you get time to curse. You know it will continue. No saviour, no miracle."
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2012/03/torture.html
"Appa, have you ever been really bad?"
Can I tell her the truth? No.
That’s part of love. Hiding, or just not #revealing.
One has to be ready, though. The bad has the habit of revealing itself, like a dead body escaping weights and shackles to resurface in a pond.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/05/being-bad.html
"I used to wake up knowing he would be looking at me, #tenderly, lovingly. That’s all we wanted.
I didn’t listen when he foretold doom.
When I heard about what he did, I hated myself more than I had to hate him.
I had to forget the only memory I wish to remember."
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/05/scream-within.html
"You don't #swoon over me."
"Are you ok?"
"I need to be pampered."
"Swaps, wake up!"
"Did you pour water over me?"
"Let's go to a hospital."
"Oh, shut up, Arj!"
"The stuff you said in your sleep."
"Scary?"
"Definitely not you."
"Ah! Just testing."
"Idiot!"
#vss365
I'm a #supercilious
and bitter bore
but not when I bow
To the hues of eventide
but it ain't enough
to be worthy of love
But there's hope
when I'm not me
before your smiling eyes.
#vss365
In this upside world
With water above concrete,
Waive self-appraisal.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
This #apprehension,
When the beach has gone under,
Is a bit too late.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
Her marriage lasted 24 hours. She was r@ped by her husband. She nearly killed him that night.
When her son was born, she asked herself:
Will the beast/#villain stay away? Will it return through her kid? Will it be murder then?
#vss365
ps. That's from my short story 'Michael Corleone' (I've not been writing--managed this one 7 months back):
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2026/04/michael-corleone.html
Society is like a sand-pile,
at its angle of repose,
a critical system.
Add one small #grain of sand,
good or bad, and that might start
avalanches of varying sizes.
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/10/itihasa-of-integral-part.html
She kept her eyes closed. I closed mine too. It wasn’t much of a kiss. That’s how Jojo’s mother found us.
After that, we met only in the open. I stopped #pulling her hair and slapping her back. She stopped holding my hand.
#vss365
from my short story:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/06/after-kiss.html
The year we fell in love, the topic for the Annual Debate was communism.
I spoke like Che for communism. My guide at that time was Ayn Rand.
She spoke with great fervour against communism. I saw her #clench her fist behind her back, her nails drawing her own blood.
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-miss-competition.html
When I shifted from the #novel to the short story mode, it was for maximum pleasure from a minimal episode.
The irrelevant is so passé. Chapter two means leave.
My partner agrees.
I've been buried alive.
Why?
The foreplay err hook captured nothing but a yawn.
#vss365
“Swaps, you are an incorrigible #fiend.”
“What have I done now, Arj?”
“Why did you tell Laks I love her?”
“She was in need of some comic relief.”
“How am I a joke as a lover?”
“Do you want my treatise on that?”
#vss365
#vss365
“Why are you against relationships?”
“To avoid the all-#consuming worry of being taken to the cleaners.”
“Find the one you can trust.”
“That’s not a natural trait of human beings.”
“Find the unnatural one.”
“The good don’t come free.”
“True. Time up. Credit card?”
Ok, I admit.
I was a strait-laced idiot.
Then, love came along.
Rule became: break rules.
That's an aphrodisiac.
The #forbidden? LOL.
When we said, "Made plans!",
The haphazard came along.
But, the high remains.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
My mind, the #deadfall,
Breaks the back of love and hope.
All for greater good.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
#vss365
Trouble started when I took my #mother-in-law on a honeymoon trip.
She was supposed to go to the west, around the Thar desert, in search of gods.
Those gods had the better idea of packing her off, with us, to Goa.
For more on that, try:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/02/to-whomsoever-it-may-concern.html
"I've this recurring nightmare. I'm unprepared for an exam. I stare blankly at the question paper. Breathless."
"I've noticed that whenever my mother visits, when you forget our anniversary, even when we try to..."
"Didn't Freud say that's part of #falling in love?"
#vss365
I got married last Friday.
Here, those who don’t #gamble on the cliff, use the dating site needleinahaystack dot com.
We must have been the only ones with the following on our bio: ‘Do not believe in love.’
That’s a lot like burning all the hay to find the needle.
#vss365
In Kadalil, weddings take place at #midnight on the day of the New Moon.
At the 'SueZed' point on the cliff.
In pitch darkness.
The lucky get another's; the unlucky get the chosen; and, those guided by premonition or bad body odour give a shove to remain a free bird.
#vss365
There are words that remind me
Of a past long forgotten.
I wish I knew why '#wondrous'
Became a word I avoided.
Did I call it archaic
Or did it seem juvenile?
I'm not really ashamed
To say I used it a lot back then.
#vss365
"Has poetry taught you anything?"
"A pal loved my love poem 'The Story of Swapna'. Got #immersed in it. He wanted to be Swapna."
"Sweet."
"Then, I showed it to Swapna. She yawned."
"Cruel."
"Yes, it's cruel to realise one can't trust people who love your poetry."
#vss365
For the sake of completeness, this is the last part of that old love pome 'The Story of Swapna'.
Yes, the one that will make you yawn. 🙃
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2009/07/his-story-epilogue-to-her-1991.html
#vss365
What will you remember
When a life ends
After the guests are gone
With stories of valiant deeds
Nice false notes that #linger
Till the dishes are washed wiped
Will you dream
With another’s face
With memories
Suitably mummified
Best not to know
What you will remember.
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/05/remembrances.html
How can I forget 6/6/'26?
Last day I saw my reflection in a mirror. The day I lost my shadow.
It's hardly comforting everyone's facing the same predicament.
Ghosts and live ones interchangeable.
AI overdose. #Betrayal of the Gods. The old headlines about the erased.
#vss365
