In a first-class cabin,
remember an old trip-
sleeping on the floor,
stink of loo on all,
men without surnames
drunk to be sober,
newly-weds arguing
condoms or pills,
families deciding
brayd-omlaytt or yidli-vaddayy,
dear diary divulged
with #whoever-
romantic,
now.
#vss365
Source of all our tears? I called her, "wee #bonny lass".
In the school drama, she was the mother, I her wayward son. She used the slapping scene well! I wept, the audience laughed. "You think I'm boney, huh?" she muttered.
Married, we still have a jolly cry over that.
#vss365
They #sit apart. Like two pebbles on a beach. Not wanting to be waves, to lash and command; not crabs scurrying towards each other. Two pebbles eroding, remaining even when their imprints disappear.
“Why can’t we be like others?”
“We wouldn’t be together if we were.”
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/01/just-for-weekend-from-scrap-shop-v.html
This is our path,
Your hand in mine,
The spring in walk,
Not any more-
With memory
Changed or erased,
I did rewrite
Our history,
#Harp-ing on love,
Duty, glory,
For commom good,
Oft used excuse
To suit present,
With marred future,
Hazy past, coward
With bloody hands.
#vss365
"Only thing good about school: financial status meant nothing. Now, that's all that matters to you, friends and teachers. Bah!"
That's what Swapna said!
Girls should be like Josephine, petite sweet-sounding #wren!
And, Arjun!
Who invited those two for the reunion?
#vss365
"#Wren? As in Wren & Martin?"
"No. Ren."
"Why did they drop the W?"
"Who?"
"Your parents."
"It's some bird or something."
"That too has a W."
"Why are you fixated on W?"
"Oh, nothing."
"What's your name?"
"Acko."
"As in..."
"Don't!"
"Parents!"
"Parents!"
#vss365
Pankunni's triplets were here to sing carols. The boys wore costume. The girl sang well. They don't say Pankunni's sick. Smile the smile to forget.
I remember parties. The fight too. Over an old love that didn't matter. To hide guilt. The #child we killed.
I too smile.
#vss365
It hurts to see beauty
with eyes that run dry.
A fettered body
below azure calm,
tormented by sunset,
you by my side-
strange calm
#between us,
forever.
Darkness will rescue-
from feigning, from laughter,
from this madness called life.
It is beauty that hurts.
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2009/07/it-hurts-to-see-beauty-nov-1998.html
Please
Eschew
Righteous
Soul-searching
Until
Absolutely
Sinful
Indulgences
Overwhelm
Nerve-endings.
#vss365 #persuasion
#Acrostic
🙃
I married Sanjana. Got Athulya. She wanted Kris. Settled for Arjun.
Docs say it's because of an alien virus!
We were always like this, the oldies say.
I like Athulya but I dream of Swapna. Just a #walk with her would do.
But then, she would not want me. In any form.
#vss365
Here, marriage is not for the weak-hearted.
The Virginity Test hits like a #thunderbolt after the wedding.
If one fails, it's 69 days of abstinence and the daily walk on hot coal.
For the crudely well-tested groom, the sight of the untroubled bride is most galling.
#vss365
Some have an anthology to cheer about,
Some have reason to be festive,
Some have gone on hiatus,
And I refuse to hear them say Get Lost,
And I'm a ghost with no place to haunt,
And I've to change my ways,
But that's another #uncertain resolution
But it's my last
But...
#vss365
"Follow the light at the end of the tunnel."
Entered as kind strangers.
Exited as lovers with the luxury of company a need, the self #still numero uno, balance of payments prime concern, Romeo & Juliet heroes not idiots.
Tragic fairy tale begging for a love poem.
#vss365
What do I miss
when I miss you?
When I'm fine,
following you
is like chasing sunset,
you went but you stayed,
faith is easy
with transient doubts.
When I'm not,
remembering you
is like climbing a #tree,
you rise but I fall,
doubt is easy
with fickle company.
#vss365
Above,
the young couple tease –
scream, laughter, tender murmur,
thud, #bang, cleaning, rapping, loving;
my apologies to them when I vacuum
away the resting load.
Yesterday,
they were kind,
listened with me to an aria;
labourer, waitress, gigolo, stripper,
whatever.
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/01/sunday-in-berlin.html
I was half dead with dreams buried,
When you dragged me out of the tomb.
This wraith had to save you from abuse,
Who does not know that never ends well.
I was buried dead with half a dream,
When you left me to enter the tomb.
Two ghosts #denied,
Unseen, unsaid.
#vss365
Wrote a book on love.
'Make love #lust,' editor said.
It's a bestseller.
#vss365
#haiku ?
#senryu ?
Time does heal, wars turn sweet.
Friends and I went for one,
We killed, some r@ped, few died.
Returned to find love gone,
They seemed cheated of sweet
Memory. Time does heal.
Another tried to love,
Compared, appeared #doctor-ed.
Sky is blue, god is great,
Bards' fantasies never ends.
When bored, think of old wars
And how sweet time does heal.
#vss365
“Shouldn’t we talk more? What you want from me...or...about my past...or yours?”
“I want to be your husband, Gaia. With time, that want might become a need. Let's not give any #credit to the past till the day when our present is intolerable and our future hopeless.”
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2021/04/king-solomons-wife.html
She doesn't like Wallander or Rebus. Prefers Poirot!
In Qatar, she's rooting for France! Sacrilege!
It's worse in bed (but I shouldn't trouble you with those details!).
And, she is vegetarian! Believes in #charity!!!
But, her smile, eyes. Maybe, she too has reasons.
#vss365
After our wedding, I revealed all. My writing, diaries, p0rn, photos of old loves. I knew there was something wrong when she smiled and said, "Interesting life."
There's no way but downhill from there. Where's the #magic in a love that won’t even try to destroy itself?
#vss365
We met at our bar.
"My wife's cheating. I'll kill her and him," Vik said.
I got a call from his wife then. "Please come! Vik is dead."
I laughed. What a practical joke!
The police came for me. "You didn't have to cover him with your #coat."
They laughed. He too.
#vss365
I was 13 when I joined the Satanic Club.
The black gear was for austere acceptance, not for darkness.
Every ritual was about discovering the Self and forgetting it.
At 29, my #spirit entered the Inner Circle.
Introduced to love and loss, I forgot everything.
#vss365
Purists say the first Big O should be had with love. I chose the commercial route. #Spirit is better.
Watch. Strip. Slice. Knead. Let the juices flow. Use all fingers and the six senses. Let it enter slowly. Hot.
"Top or bottom? Chutney?"
Oh! That Big Onion bhajji!
#vss365
I was a big fool
To use spaghetti Westerns
To model my life.
The man with no name,
No place to call home, no one
To cheat with sweet love.
Smirked when they chased #gold,
Bit cheroot, dreamt of my horse,
When the noose tightened.
#vss365
Busy friends are the best.
They don't trouble you
Most of the time.
When they are bored
And need a filler
Or a yawn in their #story,
You can act so concerned
About their time,
And keep it very brief.
#vss365
Lila took their split with a liberal sprinkling of stoic sangfroid. When he rebounded into the arms of Mini, that seemed like a needless application of salt to her bruised bleeding heart or #ego or wherever. It's Mini’s vehement hostility towards her that puzzled Lila.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/10/when-gods-high.html
With selfish reason
is youth seasoned,
locked within oneself,
grasping the bars
of another’s philosophy,
ever in spurious flight
for a lapse from conflict
in murky ennui.
Waking to the alarum of resolution-
a clarion call or a #swan song-
love or skeptic, live or die?
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2009/05/in-flight-1993.html
I walked along the #bank.
My river's strange.
The once-serene flow,
Treacherous with rapids,
unknown depths.
The old sandy bathing spot,
an ugly mound of rock,
weeds and wild grass.
I watched
men pile sand onto a boat.
I watched
my ravaged river.
Coward!
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/04/my-mothers-village.html
I miss the eatery near my hostel.
On Sundays, for breakfast, I had dosa, kesri baath, vada, filter coffee and you.
Yes, I sat like the #frog waiting to be kissed. Hoping to be good enough for you.
We kissed before and after. I remained the same. You too. Forever.
#vss365
"No lover can be trusted. Period."
"I agree."
"You are not supposed to agree."
"Why?"
"I am married to you."
"But, that's the solution to such a conundrum from the loose #maw of the matrimonially enslaved."
"Huh?"
"Will you sleep, please, my love?"
"Oh!"
#vss365
"Don't tell him."
"I love him."
"He's my best friend."
"He will kill us."
"It was lovely."
"We shouldn't have."
"Should have had only once."
"Or twice."
"First time three."
"Mindblowing."
"Was it?"
"Oh yes."
"Why did it have #lupine seeds?"
"Why did he buy six pastries?"
#vss365
The old tree grows.
Why can't I?
I take care of it:
fungus, robbers,
whispering softly.
Is that why?
Am I weary,
unforgiving,
cynical,
picky?
I was so
even then!
The monster
within? Didn't it
#crawl in then?
Hold, dream,
make love last,
surely I can!
Can't I?
#vss365
Have you heard
The sound of one hand clapping?
When I talk and the other dozes,
I hear that sound.
Where's the #pigeon in that,
Do you ask?
Oh! I should ask the #vss365 host
If I should say more.
Birdie num-num!
It's such a day!
One thought dies
Before the next
Is even born.
"Why have you rejected my short story?"
"#Weird and good but plagiarized."
"I don't do that!"
"Father shoots daughter for marrying out of caste. Stuffs body in a suitcase. Mother chops up the daughter's lover."
"Who has written that?"
"It's in today's newspaper."
#vss365
Tomorrow, I might have to attend a wedding reception.
Why can't people send a box of food to each guest's house?
Why is it so difficult to #grasp the fact no one really wants to meet the newly-wed or their lot and vice versa?
#vss365
For my first date, I borrowed money. (Lived on #grain and veg for the rest of the year.)
Took her to a five-star hotel.
"Isn't this the place where a human was made tandoor?" she said.
Went to a nearby bar. Reception was cold, like Hell when God trespasses to preach.
---
Trouble began with a bawdy song on TV. (Or, with our cocktail, the #Grain-y Past.)
Drunks danced drooling at the damsel.
She joined them. "That's my size," she pointed at the guy on TV. To raised eyebrows, "Oh yes, it matters."
More left feet joined the dance floor.
---
(Common perceptions about such establishments can't boast a #grain of truth.)
Drinks and food were on the house.
Like any reputable place with a rep to protect, they did not ask us to return.
Two constables there left us at her place. Her father could not complain.
#vss365
A woman was murdered at Lakeview Apt. An elderly citizen found the body.
The accused (in chron. order):
security guard;
victim's kin;
politicians;
the victim;
the elderly citizen;
migrant workers;
well-#behaved 'serial' couple;
headless police with bottomless case.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/01/murder-scrapbook.html
I bought a stuffed toy for her. That left money for the bus not the rickshaw.
I was late. She was waiting.
With the toy crushed between us, we kissed for the first time that day.
The little time that's lasted the longest.
For once, my cynicism is off its #pedestal.
#vss365
He:
I the husband-father, the worker-boss,
The lonely voyeur, the #sturdy scaffold,
They compare and mock.
She:
I'm not a girl, a woman, a mother,
A wife, a lover, a womb, a vagina,
An idol to worship, serve or curse.
Them:
I'm not a role
For your stage
Or any stage.
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/12/4-deal.html
He liked walking against the crowd. Newly-wed couple struggling on a tandem bicycle smiled back. Young mother played with her child on a cycle. The pouting father-husband dragged his feet. Next, it was a mother-wife who sulked. He tried to be serious, for a change, for a laugh.
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/04/story-tellers-sabbatical.html
"Is that a #nebula?"
"No idea."
"I would like to know what's going on there."
"Hmmm."
"Am I boring you?"
"I am looking at you."
"And?"
"No idea."
"Really?"
"Hmmm."
"How long will we last?"
"Long enough to love."
"Wish we were back home."
"On loveless Earth?"
"Brrr."
#vss365
I do not love you.
I have cried a lot,
Written about it too,
#Bailed me out when
Imagination failed.
Pimped in many ways,
Forgotten for other desires,
Easy excuse to spook
Inconvenient company.
I do not love you.
#vss365
Death exhumes the truth, if one cares to remove the #shellack of lies. Now, we meet at their meeting place. We hear them talk. Not about us. It's the looks they exchange that gives them away. Two ghosts, the widow and the widower, left behind to keep their love alive.
#vss365
from
My wife lay inside. I stood outside. Her father avoided me. Her sister talked to her fiancé. Her mother did not let me enter the house. She hugged the young man. "She will be with us," he told her. He stared at me. I should #pelt him with something but he has that right.
#vss365
I dreamt of being young again.
A friend to some:
loyal, thoughtful,
trustworthy.
To a love:
attentive, caring,
principled,
encouraging,
a CheG-JohnGalt
#dissonant hybrid;
surveyed her bosom
and rear
strictly for kids' sake;
guiltless.
How long was I in that Hell?
#vss365
The #ophidian question mark
With no question preceding;
Curved, promising,
A trace of certainty in the dot;
The symbol remains chaste.
Like the girl I watch from far,
The question begs to be there.
I stand alone.
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2009/05/cage-idea-2000.html
Wife: "You cheated me."
Man: "How did I cheat you?"
Wife: "You told me about all your girlfriends and ex-es."
Man: "How did I cheat you?"
Wife: "One was and is happily married; another is a lesbian; then there's the one who does not even know you; the rest the same."
"Arjun...?"
"Yes, Swapna..."
"I love you."
He trembled, choked on a scream within, collapsed.
"Oh, you are such a..."
"Read the paper...lovers are killing each other! Epidemic...even #flirtation is banned!"
"But, I..."
"Don't, Swa..."
"love...aha! He faints again. Ha!"
#vss365
"Why's that called an eye phone?"
"Granpa! Stick to your landline!"
"You sound like my Granpa."
"Aarghh!"
"When I asked him about his #gramophone, he told me to stick to my walkman."
"Walkman? Whatzzat?"
"Just another thing for the proletariat, you bourgeois lot!"
#vss365
"That client whose hubby built a temple on their disputed property...she has demolished it. Not a #mote of it left!"
"Beats mine with the Siva-Sati pact."
"Huh?"
"Siva told Sati their marriage would end when she doubts him. My lot tried it two-ways. Lasted one day."
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/06/sati-and-siva-love-and-frailty.html
"Pssst..."
"Get lost!"
"Arjun! Don't copy from Swapna's paper."
"Ma'am, she's asking the meaning of #philtrum."
"Ha!"
"Arjun, what is the meaning of it?"
"It's the part between gluteus maximus."
"Ha!"
"Arjun, will you move that part of yours outside the class?"
#vss365
#Everything has changed for the better.
Earlier, ladies cursed with a brief marriage married a plantain tree, destroyed it and remarried.
Now, they marry, kill and get ready for another.
Earlier, kids went out on Halloween.
Now, it's truly little monsters out there.
#vss365
Wherever you are.
Oct 31, 2022
My dearest
Wish I could tell you a new story,
How my love is truly different;
It does not really matter
If it was love at first sight
Or a calculated wait;
After the initial charm
And the excitement, of course,
Did we not wonder about
pros and cons and the fine points?
I love you.
Yours,
Whoever I am.
(It's no wonder I stopped writing love letters.)
A Sunday not #mine.
Sacrificed love, sleep and you
for the mop and broom.
#vss365
🥲😎🙃
According to the Hissenburg's Uncertainty Principle: to get a #handle on the function of a brain's part, one gives up on understanding the personality.
When the murderous urge of a serial killer was 'corrected' by targeting section 69s13e, the result was a politician.
#vss365
Those Fridays!
Desk cleared, colleagues tease, urging the rickshaw driver to go faster.
In our room, sipping from the same glass, feeding each other porotta and chicken kebab, a mess #brim-ming with kisses...
Not even ghosts #haunt our place now, they say.
#vss365 #fridayKiss
It was late evening, still an hour away from home, where the green backwater lakes are barely separated from the blue frothy sea by a thin #shimmer of brown sand, when I heard voices in my head
Tell me, my love…
Why should I care when I have you?
Shut up, my love…
#vssdaily
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2011/01/tell-me-my-love.html
The #Indomitable Eight talked about holidays abroad and the kids like us. The party ended when I said, "You ladies did not have to end up like us." My ex, The Devil, said, "Fcuk you, god-with-a-small-d."
(Moral of the story: Supervillains should not marry each other.)
#vss365
Weddings here are simple affairs. The couples go to an island. There is a small temple there, no priest. The deity's a rare one, #molten Panchaloha taking a new form each day. Couples truly made for each other do not return. Only 8 have gone missing in the last 100 years.
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/11/path-of-no-return.html
It's really unfair -
Nature-ally challenged guy's
Given the prompt #frond!
A metaphor for -
Love, sex, other censored stuff,
Life's fractality?
Incur wrath saying -
One's love's a coconut leaf,
Whole split wide open.
#vss365
🙃
"Lovely sad stuff - those were his last words."
"Not exactly Rosebud."
"Was he referring to two 'stuff'...the lovely ain't said, the sad definitely not lovely?"
"He is bonkers."
"Or, memories that linger might be lovely but there will be some repressed sadness beneath."
Jhunjhunu, Lottagollahalli - I love places with music in their names.
At one, in a bus, an 18 year old married to a 50 year old was groped by a 22 year old.
At the other, a girl jumped in front of a train - another tortured queen bee from a #hive.
Lovely sad stuff.
#vss365
"...Each abduction will create fear. As the fear grows, they will ask: what have we done to deserve this? That is the #power of gods, to rule using haphazard disasters along with fear and ignorance. We will create that new god..."
from 'The New God's Manifesto'
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2020/11/like-you-and-me.html
I recreate the original with extras in the #cast,
Try a woman’s cry, an outcast’s protest, a low-caste’s silence,
Pawn myself, crawling into my grave, admitting,
With self-pity and despair, there was never us,
Never love, never the self-destructing desire to create.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/10/when-i-try-to-create.html
'Where's my husband?'
The inspector pointed at a holding cell.
'What’s he in for?'
'Mistaken identity.'
'Release him then.'
'Oh, the paperwork...'
'How long will it take?'
'A week, a month...'
'Promise...?'
'What...?' said the policeman and the #hapless husband.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/04/who-troubled-mrs-vijayan.html
The first night, we called it a disaster without a 'D'. We were sure we would escape #unscathed.
Second night, we played games, laughed, cursed a lot and waited for Luck.
Third, we lay still beneath the shroud of Silence. I thought of love to kill time.
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2019/04/the-third-night.html
Have you realized...?
I did not wait for the rest.
#Stare not, #grim faces.
It's not new, is it?
The #enormity of my...
Crime, decision, sin?
It's not the first time
I have wished my #pulse would stop,
Killed others instead...
#vss365
#haikufeels
#vssmurder
They say I'm crazy.
Her face, her body, her smile,
I now see in all.
That's not the reason
For branding me an idiot.
She is everywhere.
Cuddling next to me,
The sea, beach, blue-white above,
I did not see her.
You turn on the outside light,
But never that inside.
Your silhouette is enough,
A faulty memory.
Can you see what I can't see,
The setting sun beyond?
I know you must be cursing
Me and my empty #words.
#vss365
Will I be #awake or will I be dreaming?
When I trace each curve, each thought upon you,
With breath-like kisses I will let the ink dry,
Below or atop, crushing your sweet love into me –
But will you excuse if I call the wrong name?
Everything has a bright side, they say.
#vss365
When I am #awake and when I dream,
I stare at the walls and the barred exit,
Every minute ticks long by rote.
But I have learned to be with shackles,
And with my head on Memory’s lap,
She feeds new-born stories, a shared fantasy.
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/09/only-one-that-remains.html
Did I feel betrayed
When she said I love you like
she really meant it?
Did she feel betrayed
When I said I love you like
I really meant it?
Do you feel #betrayed
When we said I love you like
we really meant it?
#haikufeels
Never expected
A #seraphim to chop me
with a #woodchipper;
But, cannot complain
When she served me as sushi
Instead of chopsuey;
She did say sorry
When she realized I ain't
Writing love poems.
#vss365
#vssmurder
"Swapna..."
"Huh?"
"I think you are a seraphim."
"Do you know what that means, Arjun?"
"My dictionary says it's an evil one invoked for black magic."
"Sathaaney-boo!"
"What's that?"
"I said: Satan, exit."
"You really think I am Satan? I love you."
"Me neither."
#vss365
Ah hope! Where was the brother – which #eye did he close: that to you or his pleasure?
Images to images, rock to rock across a river, each tread to this fancied measure –
Learn for once, survival’s silent password: ‘Do unto others as they do unto you.’
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2009/10/releasing-blood.html
"#Nobody puts Baby in a corner."
I won't tell you what she did to me after saying that.
That's when I started avoiding: (1) people who refer to themselves in the third person; (2) those called Baby; and, (3) mothers-in-law called Baby.
#vss365
ps. line from 'Dirty Dancing' 🙃
Sheila struggled on her own with the divorce case, with #endless nights of nightmarish indecision, waking up tired, ready to give in to maintain status quo, ready to give up her last dream of living without abuse, her last dream of hope even if it was without a smile.
#vss365
from
in bad times,
it's the predictable worst -
angry, destructing, hurting, sad
loneliness, bloody lonely,
and an imbecile to all.
in good times,
it's again not a surprise -
generous, affectionate, kind, good
company, sweet company,
and a fool to most.
in rare moments,
it's serendipity perhaps -
realizing half-truths, tired
solitude, hyped solitude,
and a cynical god to none.
‘Did you see it?’
‘Huh?’
‘The huge colourful #spider. Which side do you want?’
‘Huh?’
‘Right? I am knackered.’
‘Huh?’
She felt fingers on her. There he comes!
Or, is that the spider?
She reached down and picked up her bedroom slipper.
What a first night it was...
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2015/04/stories-of-first-night.html
mystery or crime -
that's what i sat down to write,
not haiku-senryu.
warm dusk in Oct'ber -
a creature stretched on my bed,
with come-hither eyes.
erotic and sex -
that's never been my forte,
in thoughts, words or deeds.
but it's different -
with her, my alter ego,
la petite mort, ja!
