I am still knocking at the Gates Of Blogdoom. I have company.
A few have left, discouraged, but they will be back. Where can they go?
To kill time we discussed about what we should do, that is, if we gain access.
Minutes of the discussion, scrawled on our fig leaves, are:
1. Be an adult. If you fall in love with a fellow-blogger, be ready to find out that he/she is actually Hillary Clinton and/or Osama Bin Laden.
2. Never assume that you are anonymous. On blogosphere, like elsewhere on the Net, refrain from activities that your mother should not see.
3. Itemize, that is, if you want your viewer to go beyond line 1.
4. Forget composition classes in school. In a blog, a paragraph should not have more than 2 lines.
5. Use smileys/emoticons. It helps viewers laugh/cry with you.
6. If you are ‘into’ creative writing, still use smileys/emoticons but just mix them up – when you laugh, your viewer should cry.
7. Do not expect viewers to read between the lines. They can hardly read the lines.
8. You can be an active or a passive blogger. An active blogger will spend 60% of time commenting on one’s own blogs, 10% commenting on others’ blogs and 30% to post a blog; a passive blogger will spend 100% of time to post a blog.
9. System Administrators usually help passive bloggers by deleting their work after every third blog so that they can start with the same stuff all over again.
10. Use a tool to see the time spent by a viewer on your blog. If the time is less than 3 seconds, the comment will be “Great stuff”; else if, time is greater than 3 seconds but less than 1 minute, the comment will be “What crap!”; else, the viewer has gone to sleep without switching off the internet connection.
11. Do unto bloggers as you wish they do unto you.
12. For bloggers, the 10 commandments still hold – but include these, too. More the merrier.
13. Never write the 13th blog/point/comment.
Note posted 48 hours later: This blog, posted on Sulekha too, is my most ‘successful’ blog. Unfortunately so but the irony of the situation is a redeeming feature. I cannot reply to the comments from good people (no sarcasm intended), can I? Self-deprecation turned into sarcasm, satire into mockery. Then, there are those who remain absent, those who doubt me. I can only repeat, “I abuse those I love, I place my friends on the rack but I am kind and courteous to those I don’t give a damn. Which do you want me to be?” Doubt is an illness and you will not get any help from me.
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