It's that time of the year
To forget all that one should forget,
To stare at the sun (for cheap #drama)
To burn images that hurts,
Is it the black or the white smoke
That remains of the preserved,
Resolutions will not last I know,
I'll reconstruct another set of you.
#vss365
Our relationship reached a low plateau. Is it a saddle-point? Will one wrong step make us #descend to the agreed polite exit? Are there paths to unknown highs from the doldrums?
Seasons change, hair and teeth fall, bones become brittle, eyesight blurs, hearing fades...
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/05/seconds.html
He opens the door. She enters.
He places her luggage by the wall. Next to a #creeper. Hidden baggage. Hiding arrivals and departures.
Their eyes search each other’s. With tears and smile. He takes her right hand. Kisses it. She tenses. Tries to take her hand away.
#vss365
from
https://discardedthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/01/just-for-weekend-from-scrap-shop-v.html
When Amit wrote his 50th love letter (49 w/o reply), I warned him that such #devotion goes unreciprocated.
Yesterday:
"What do I do? After 49..."
"50."
"50th was to another girl."
"Ah! Have both replied?"
"Ah! Yes."
It's possible only such devotion gets reciprocated.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/07/devotion.html
"If there are more than 2 #parameters in a physics theory, one can make an elephant go through a needle hole."
"And, how's that relevant on this date?"
"Love has too many unknowns."
"And, there are no elephants to go through any..."
"Shhh"
"Let's go home."
"Let's."
#vss365
To be a proud #citizen:
1. Get the blessings of a religious leader in the village of one's nomadic ancestors.
2. Take 3 tests there:
a. Roll on hot coal.
b. Lifted to a great height, lowered suddenly and, on each descent, thrashed with metal pipes.
c. Need-to-know.
#vss365
from
https://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2020/01/idea.html
"Is this for your wedding photoshoot?"
"Yupp."
"You dressed up like a #tardigrade, your partner in birthday suit?"
"Yupp."
"Well, you are paying.
Coupling is crazy.
Who knows the right recipe?
Likes or opposites?"
"Plz take the photos."
"Yes, boss."
#vss365
#haiku #senryu
"Can I be your Swapna?"
That made me think.
"Who should be Swapna? Will I feel irritated with the wrong one? Am I desperate?"
I smiled at the young man. He seemed relieved not to get a reply.
"#Yes" would have put an end to all that she is not. And, all that she is.
#vss365
Everyone has their 'How I met your Mom/Pop on a #train or plane' tale.
I don't.
I met her lover.
Jolly guy showed me his lover's chat. Her DP. DMs with "Baby Boo", red hearts et al.
She sends me the same.
I had to kill him.
And her.
It was bloody.
One dead.
Me.
#vss365
I have no questions I need no answers, here.
You cannot accuse, in jail, you can't #complain.
I look through bars for a Muse on visitors’ day,
You or Love, Life or Freedom, Nature or Solitude,
Those fancy names mean little, here.
Memory alone tucks me in with a lullaby.
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/09/only-one-that-remains.html
You are late, I tell him,
But with a sheepish grin,
He holds me, my whim.
There’s no gain
If I #complain,
If all I want is sin...
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2010/10/gigolo.html
"Are these posters of the murdered or the murderers?"
"Both are the same. Earlier, retaliation used to be quick. Justice can't be #delayed, right? Hack off limbs, burn that too. Then, no use for surgery, right? That's only when one tries to teach a lesson, not to kill."
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2012/06/footsteps-in-dark.html
When love died, Heaven
turned out to be the #Skerry
of Dashed Hope. Hell too.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
In the lift, there's a man in tuxedo, gelled hair, gleaming from top to toes. Did he call me a half-naked fakir?
I go to the seaside, to be with people like me, without a tomorrow, glad to have a sunset that won't last, staring at the #horizon, then azure now concrete.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2017/04/incomplete-unedited-notes-colombo.html
"Swapna, there will be five men by you when you deliver your baby."
"..."
"An ex, a non-ex, the father, another and moi."
"Did you #hop on the bandwagon? Got one thing right. No hubby."
"When is the baby due?"
"18 years +- 4."
"That long?"
"We are only 14."
"Ah!"
#vss365
The Librarian remembered that VeeCee sat in a trance gazing at...
The #rain-soaked fertile fields; trees swaying; grey clouds, pregnant; a strange mist settling like a diaphanous veil over the face of those hills.
"Truly sublime," she said. "But then, it got weird."
#vss365
from my short story 'Because of the Rain':
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2012/06/because-of-rain.html
My pal and I were young
And the lady
in the black chiffon saree
saw us
'staring'
(what do you call
the 'stare' you give
a Rodin
or a Caravaggio,
is it #sightseeing?)
And smiled
(god!).
Now, we are old
And we might notice her husband
When we fall in love with her.
#vss365
Matrimonial ad:
'I'm living in a #suitcase.
Like-minded apply.'
Swiped right, with fervour.
'I'm dying in another's.'
Epitaph will say.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
There, in the doc's waiting room,
It's not the #journey that matters,
It's the destination, silly,
Could be the morgue or not,
There, with 36 who have lived,
Sex, job, wealth, family, all ticked,
They must have said ILU,
Whispered, muttered or cursed,
Doesn't matter.
#vss365
what do you symbolize,
my dear #lobster,
is it temptation
or too much luck,
(what's that now luck)
is it undying love
or mating for life
(o don't complain lust or love)
or should I recall
the mess we made at Juhu Mahesh Lunch Home
(I still loved you then you know)
#vss365
"Weather?"
"Humid."
"Food?"
"Burger."
"Love?"
"#Amber."
"Lust?"
"Green."
"Marriage?"
"Red."
"O Spirits!"
"Guru! What lies ahead for me?"
"Next summer,
At a traffic light,
Munching bad food,
Winking at women,
It will hit you."
"Truck?"
"Your wife's fist."
#vss365
"You love me," I said
"That's corny," she said.
"But, that’s what I feel. What’s the point in saying I love you if I don't feel you feel it?"
"Duh!"
"But not a #dud, right?"
She shrugged. Smiled. "You too love me."
"Yikes, that's definitely schmaltzy," I said.
#vss365
(Again! Sorry for using my old stuff for #vss365. Water woes yet again have short-circuited the few grey cells I have.)
From
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/05/seconds.html
"Let's go birdwatching," she said the morning after. The cold finger of dread traced a line from the hypothalamus to the gluteus maximus.
I avoid budding ornithologists. Serious when funny and vice versa, they show rigor mortis when the feathered lot shun #peeking toms.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/05/seconds.html
His hometown changed. The liberal and the conservatives teamed up. The left became an alternative right. People revived religious beliefs their forefathers had debunked. It was difficult to escape its #pervasive influence. That God got back its voice and ruled the stage.
#vss365
from my short story 'Gutter Talk':
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/10/gutter-talk.html
I've never been to a #swamp
Other than the one in my head,
Did nature or nurture cause that
Or is it another daydream,
I can ask the ghosts that rise
But they are not true or helpful,
Did love or failure cause that
Or is it a lush paradise,
To wallow or not to sink?
#vss365
I'm a type of Rip Van Winkle,
Awake but dumb for decades,
Talking to one I cared about,
This time no blunder of past,
No more of my life, or wisdom,
She has no use for such, at all,
I should listen, let her fall, or
Rise, for max #impact, or not,
Awake and not dumb.
#vss365
Weddings here are simple less-than-5-min affairs.
In between the start (couple enters) and the end (junta races to the dining hall), no one hears the priest chant (in the vernacular):
"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave this curséd #portal."
#vss365
(with all due respect to Eagles and lovers of 'Hotel California')
Yesterday, the police questioned two migrant workers in connection with the Mritya murder case.
Today, the two were found dead in a pond.
According to post-mortem, they drowned in the pond.
Locals say that only the dead can #submerge themselves in the shallow pond.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/01/murder-scrapbook.html
According to 'The History of Homo Sapiens', the primal #puzzle is: why did they say 'I love you'?
It's believed a male first tried it to mask a shortcoming, say the quality of meat.
Or, was it a lady fond of cave painting who used it to postpone meals and baser needs?
#vss365
Why did #ardour end
When we were ready to lie
In the ways of love?
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
"Swapna, where is Arjun?"
"I got a message from him: 'Woke up in a strange city (see photo). Please collect.'"
"Do you know where he is?"
"About 1000 km from here."
"And?"
"Not interested in lost and found, ma'am."
"Show some #altruism."
"He won't...remain lost."
#vss365
When Vishnu suggested the long hike, it was not out of #amity. He knows I'm allergic to physical exertion.
And, he had caught me peeping at Sarada, his attractive and mysterious neighbor.
Shivers should have gone down my spine when he said, "Let's go to Sue Zed point."
#vss365
adapted from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/11/flower-girl.html
It was love at first sight. For me.
"I love him so much. Plz help me marry him," she said.
Felt like a martyr. Wanting to kick myself. I assumed a Sherlockesque pose oozing #astuteness, drooping eyes, steepled fingers, what-not.
But, it was time for guts, no thought.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/02/spouse-without-benefits.html
"Class, in today's Whose Line Is It Anyway, let's use #acumen. Swapna?"
"Why is it so rare-
True romantic acumen,
Matter of the mind?"
"Oxymoron? Good point. Arjun? Don't be an idiot."
"It is amazing-
Linguistic acuperson
In women I love."
"Oh, plzzz."
#vss365
#haiku #senryu
As I held her close, I hoped she would not hear the rumbling of impotent rage within.
She has to go. There is only one way to go without goodbye.
Is it because of the prevailing dark gloomy despondence?
Nothing has really changed.
#Awareness screwed up everything.
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2020/04/swapna.html
From the article, 'Dan Jacobson on the story of stories':
"The duality of a really good short story constitutes its expression of our human awareness that everything in life is full of significance, and at the same time that nothing in it has any significance at all..."
That did not help my writer's block. I have been staring at a blank page wondering if it is full or empty. Do not read too much.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/02/is-this-blog-about.html
"You are #aglow with..."
"Go on..."
"It's so difficult with you...even compliments..."
"Well, it should come from your heart, or better, from your mind, not..."
"We have one common..."
"Ellipsis..."
"Will you..."
"Shut up! It's Sunday morning."
#vss365
'...they set the sheets #ablaze...'
"Aha!"
"Don't look at my writing in progress."
"Why not?"
"Privacy. Duh!"
"I've such privileges."
"No, you don't."
"Crime fiction?"
"No."
"Come on."
"Erotica."
"Who is the 'they'?"
"That's why I told you not to look at it."
#vss365
"You're ruining my rep, my dear. I'm supposed to be rational. & here I am, in love with a ghost."
"The prerequisite
For love is #avidity.
Not rhyme nor reason."
"Prickly humans!"
"A humanoid having the hots for a ghost requires more than intelligence."
#vss365
#haiku #senryu
Problem with #ardour-
What are they really thinking?
Live for the moment?
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
"Swapna, where did you go to destress? Some spa? Or guru?"
"There’s no better place than a govt office to realize the pointlessness of life."
"It's their apathy,
That kills one's #alacrity
With ways so arduous."
"Arjun, not your pomes, plz!"
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
#NoWater
It was romantic when they held hands. During the break between the main course and the dessert, he described an old flame as "the highlight of her profile was her Adam’s #apple". "And, yours is a pot belly", she retorted. From that moment on, it was a race to the exit.
#vss365
from
https://gatheredthoughts-swapna.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-funny-valentine.html
Diaries flout the laws of gravity.
The heavy hovers at the top,
The empty falls to the bottom.
The devil might be in the details
Or is she in pages with too little?
Based on an old short story of mine 'Reading Diaries'.
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/09/reading-diaries.html
To participate in sports, we had to fill out a form.
In that boys school, the entry 'Sex:' required considerable thought.
Shekhar, the realistic fantasist, wrote: 'Once a week.'
Winston, with spelling issues, bragged: 'Summa cum loud.'
I tried honesty: '#Flexible.'
#vss365
"Why didn't u complain sooner?"
said every jackass
From KG teacher to judge & executioner,
"Ha! Don't get ur knickers in a twist
About #melons or breed! Ha!"
Yes, my love,
I'm in it for something,
Is that the crime,
Or when u ignore all
And write about the sublime?
#vss365
When I wake up
With you by my side
A tough day it will be…
To let go of a dream
With nothing to hold on
A rough life it will be…
Waiting for #amorous moments
Like those we never had
A bud plucked and tossed…
We are the lines lost
In nothingness
An idea incomplete
#vss365
My wife has shifted to another bedroom.
For the kids, I am an outsider.
They do not even want to listen to me. The silence #sonorous.
Yes, the creep was one of my best friends. I might have suspected what he was-is like.
But,
what did I do?
#vss365
"Stare at the #azure
And avoid the wreck beneath."
#Evergreen love's ad.
#vss365
#NAlove
#haiku #senryu ?
We met at the café, near the church,
Where lovers meet for sin,
I mean, for appam and stew.
She knew what I meant,
A chaperon stood #sentinel,
It was a tight fit at the table for two.
In life,
That drag through muck of tedium,
The haphazard promises a rare jig.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/04/love-luck.html
We moved closer. I held her head. My fingers got #entangled in her hair. She had one arm around my shoulder and another tightly around my back. I could feel her breasts against me. Thinking back, is it possible love or deep affection would have made it any different?
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-kiss.html
"To answer that, one has to #extrapolate. For that, one has to know about the topological defects in a space with dimensions decided by care, uncertainty, lust..."
"All that for: do you love me?"
"Yes."
"Yes what?"
"I love you. Btw, the defect is a boojum."
"Aargh!"
#vss365
It’s weird
A dream might be a dream of a dream.
Was my love
A mirage of a fanciful concept?
I could have tried reality
But that’s fiction to #placate (or provoke).
Did I cry about a loss
To keep a memory not mine?
It’s weird
I lost you when you might be me.
#vss365
At the Job Mart, a dozen ladies checked me out.
"Recite 'Howl'."
"Impersonate Stallone in 'First Blood'."
"Cook coq au vin."
One brought out her cheque book.
"Drop your pants. Reveal your OS."
All I got was a #torrent of expletives.
What's wrong with my best part?
#vss365
"Festive times are #abysmal."
"Season for the haves, depression for the have-nots. For the rich, for those with close ones, for the veggie..."
"Oh that. I was thinking of murder. It's too easy now. Who will miss you? Not even when you are served."
#vss365
#HappyOnam (belated)
I'm busy preparing for the Common Service Interview.
It's not easy to master:
(a) the poker face: to get a bribe;
(b) the serial-killer mentality: to treat the needy;
and
(z) the godman aura: to make the other believe in maya (to think one succeeds when one #fails).
#vss365
Today, the topic of discussion in our book club was a DM we got from a reliable source.
“X’s marriage is asexual.”
I was contributing to that when we were interrupted by a notification. The others got an update.
“Oops, it’s not X, it’s Zee.”
“Zee, plzzz #continue.”
#vss365
"Arjun, with women, you still hop on one leg. And that guilty look! You are over 50, man!"
"You have a leak in your #attic, Swapna. You too haven't changed. With men, you act as if that species is better extinct."
"I now know that's a fact. I too am over 50."
"Bah!
#vss365
There's the forest around
Inviting me within,
There's the thoughts of old love
Soothing and seductive,
There's the void you can fill
Creating fantasies,
There's the harsh ugliness
Breaching the barricade,
Without #rhyme or reason
Marring sedate slumber.
#vss365
I said, "Let's #begin..."
She kissed and made love to me.
Soliloquy's death.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
Long ago, I tried to be god.
They made me read the contract.
I've to leave you, point 13. Ok.
Can't even have a #wet dream, point 2. Whatthe.
Life will be like social media, point 7.
Sans attachment. Sans consistency. Sans future.
Point 91 was the rub. NDA covers that.
#vss365
Dear #vss365 friends, life’s been crazy.
Fell in love. Expected trouble.
First, the competitors. A duel with machete and fists. She saved us from #slaughter. Not interested, she said. Foes to bros in 5 seconds.
Second is worse. She said I love you. I’ve left town. More later.
My friend (10) and I (6) explored the derelict mansion;
In the first room, a corpse said Hi;
In the second, we found Miss Bland and Ish in flagrante delicto;
The third was no surprise, zombies of course,
Hid in the fourth, with the other kids in #quest of life's meaning.
#vss365
If I could write about my dreams,
You might find stuff not so boring,
But then it might be lurid,
Or harsh truths will annoy you,
I might be my true self,
Anon in a #car in a cul-de-sac,
Waiting for a bored thug, like you,
To bash his head in, not ghosted like this.
#vss365
Remember those days
We walked six miles for #breakfast?
Romance at Koshy's.
#vss365
#BangaloreDays
#haiku #senryu ?
"For you, everything is just a phase,"
In a story, she described me well.
I was a saint at first,
A levitating frog-in-the-well.
Then the rejected anti-social,
Unsure, horny, giddy, I met her.
It's been one long slide after that,
Being #bad with a flickering halo.
#vss365
"Class! Give me a #haiku or #senryu about the #apple. Arjun?"
"Newton, Adam, Eve
Gave the apple a bad name.
As much as doctors."
"Why did I ask you? How about you, Swapna?"
"In a dream I peeled.
Was it apple or orange?
Future in limbo."
"Hmmm."
#vss365
(When I wrote this for #vss365 #apple in August, I learned the meaning/difference when one says, "peeling an orange" and "peeling an apple".)
Got an award for ‘Internet Search’.
It’s a story about:
the one love (no Internet footprint);
the one I should have loved (will not search); and,
the one I want to love (how to search).
The judges say, “breath of stale #air in suffocating times”, “nonvoyeuristic”.
#vss365
"You must be missing your hometown."
"Not really."
"Why so?"
"Prefer the anonymity here."
"Can't be that bad."
"When I discovered that my aunt knows the details of our sex life, I had to leave."
"We too know that. You have a problem with...the #coda, huh?"
"How?!"
#vss365
"When we have kids, I'll be a househusband."
"I'll give funds for them. Not for you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Aunty, for the class debate: should marriage seek #resonance via partnership or individualism?
"In primary five?"
"Ma, will you..."
"Finish dinner."
#vss365
"Can I court you?"
"You don't have to. I'm convinced you're the right one."
"Oh. I'm going to convince you I'm not. Start from there."
"Us humans would have gone extinct with such ethics."
"Us humanoids can't delude ourselves with a #crescendo or diminuendo in love."
#vss365
Do you remember the children's book that changed your life? I do.
It was about a ruler; a girl given as a gift; a nomad who killed the ruler.
It was about the brutal witch-hunt against outsiders, against those who disrupt peace and #harmony of the land with new ideas.
#vss365
Was that a children's book?
Oh yes, children got too old in my time.
What's the name of that book?
'Buried Gods'.
based on an old short story of mine,
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/12/buried-gods.html
What they saw:
He lifted the woman from the bed, placed her head in the noose, held her for a few moments. Then, he kicked the chair and watched her body jerk. He touched her hand, feeling for a #pulse, before leaving.
"That's your father!" one of the voyeurs said.
#vss365
from an old short story of mine:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/05/after-nights-in-white-satin.html
Loud grief of mourners
Hide the lost ones' clarion calls.
Graveyard #acoustics.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
The seven year itch--
Way to get out of the #groove.
Murder is cheaper.
#vss365
#haiku #senryu ?
"You should have died. Not Ma. I've hated you all my life."
"I know."
"You felt the same about me, huh?"
"Don't know."
"Suits your work, huh? With that stupid #motif. We are truer when we hate than when we love or some such crap!"
"We need hate to keep love alive."
#vss365
"You have no idea about #Melody, do you?"
"Music and I..."
"Definitely tone-deaf."
"Hmmm."
"Your wife has moved out."
"Why...when did your mother...?"
"Wow! You remember I'm your kid."
"Are you?"
"Pa!"
"Let's find her. Jingle, right?"
"Pa!"
"Joking, kiddo."
#vss365
"Say what you have to say with #confidence."
"Your idea of a holiday is the pits."
"This is better than climbing some mountain or going underwater."
"In a city? Near a mall?"
"I love this."
"Bah!"
"It's not bad here on this bed, is it?"
"Say that with..."
"Hush!"
#vss365
Till life was switched off,
Feigned #casual relationship.
Last #exhale, I love...
#vss365
#NALove
#haiku #senryu ?
Why do I do the things I did so well,
When I know now it won't end well?
Like the carefree walk,
Not so careless being Anon.
Like that unknown force I used,
To make love happen.
Occam's razor - the way to solve most #doubts:
I know I didn't do well in my heyday.
#vss365
The early morning light crept across the lake, nudging life into the #drowsy air, lifting a veil of mist.
On another balcony, a lady in night-clothes, inadequate like his, shared the same scene.
They looked at each other twice before going back to another life inside.
#vss365
from
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2011/04/story-tellers-sabbatical.html
"Hi love, missed me?"
"Why should I miss you when you have been on my messenger all the time?"
"But, I was not. I was sick."
"No, you were not."
"Look, I should know..."
"Hmmm. I did wonder how you became interesting."
"Who..."
"Hush, I'm #busy."
"Ok."
#vss365
But, you crept in trailing after
Her, under summer’s stern glare, frisky,
And slipped past dark veils of winter,
Sandwiched between, you were #cheeky.
#vss365
from an ol' 'pome' of mine:
https://justoneavatar.blogspot.com/2013/04/ode-to-lovers-shadow.html
I had to notice the young family. He ate first. Then, took the kid and let her eat. No talk.
What a lovely couple we were in such places. We talked. We were like that in court too, looking #successful seeking divorce.
I looked at the pool. That looks better at night.
#vss365
Awkward/Artless
Neanderthal
Idiotically
Managing
Onerous
Situations
Imitating
Thick-headed
Yobs
#vss365 #animosity
#acrostic
“Your company seems to be the best company these days,” I said.
She looked at me the way her mother used to. As if I am beyond repair, forever a kid in oldie’s garb.
It’s that smile in her eyes I love and miss. That keeps me #motivated to see another dawn. That alone.
#vss365
"Loving isn't easy, my child. That's not an excuse. I could have avoided hurting you, your mother. God! One good thing I had, and I couldn't control myself. #Overwhelmed? With what? Not an excuse. I won't say sorry. How can I say that when I didn't let you have a life?"
#vss365
Stars still give me the creeps.
"The Celestial Creep," Ramu said, "our first serial killer. The insides laid out based on a pattern of the stars. Never a #rushed job."
We counted the patterns in the sky. We knew we could be next.
Ramu writes fiction now. For kids.
#vss365
Here, B2D manage events. From birth to death.
For our wedding, we were in spacesuits. The priest too. Vows were kept to the minimum.
For consummation, she was Cruella de Vil and I Master Bates. Original & #enlivening!
They will take care of murder and disposal too.
#vss365
What's happened to us?
As a tragicomedy, it is a #boffo.
Why are we so bitter?
If only the world was a lot less Kafkaesque.
If only we could quit our Mittyesque selves.
What will we be then?
The old us?
Why were we so hollow?
#vss365
Borrowed from my old 'pome' 'tsk tsk tsk':
