Sunday, December 5, 2010

4% Deal



 


4% Deal
 
Let me try to tell you a true tale.
 
Here, in this story, I have given all that I know about the characters. The place or setting could be anywhere. The time might have a constraint - it happened before cell-phones, laptops and messaging became popular...
 
when time moved slower
with pen and paper
bearing the weight
of hopes and thoughts
the message
crossed darkly
but not deleted
forever...
 
Not really a long time ago...   
 
 
Every year, before the monsoon, Sreekumar took two weeks’ furlough – from work, from family. He considered those two weeks out of the fifty-two in a year as his 4% deal.
 
Friday, 5:30 pm
 
His boss, the Dean, said, “Sreekumar, have a good break! Go somewhere and you know...” the Dean chuckled and then continued, “What are you going to do, man? Don’t tell me that you have a few books to read in solitary confinement! Arre, you lock yourself in too much. So?”
 
“Well...sir...actually...” Prof. Sreekumar mumbled hoarsely with a voice that had been silent for most of that day.
 
The Dean erupted, “You fool! I really do not know why you waste your life like this. How old are you...35? And acting 75! Go…before you make me feel old.”
 
Outside, Sreekumar went past boisterous students and their favourite instructors. They hardly noticed him, the “peon” they called him, in his customary black trousers, white shirt hanging like a shroud, oily complexion, large spectacles and hair pasted onto his scalp.
 
He went to his office, arranged the books on the shelf, filed a few papers and closed the window. He cleared his desk and left it bare. “For the next two weeks, goodbye,” he said quietly.
 
His eyes ached. He tried straightening his back but gave up the effort, exhausted after the last few weeks of concentrated mindless work. He took his briefcase and umbrella, and left the University building. At 6:15, he reached his quarters, a mile away.
 
He did not sit on the bed or anywhere knowing that he might fall asleep. He picked up a backpack, already packed and ready for flight. After bidding farewell to his family, with the usual give and take of instructions, he left at 6:30.
 
He tried to run to the auto-rickshaw stand. The first one in the queue took him on, grudgingly though.
 
“Railway station...fast...7 o’clock train...” he said getting the insolent reply, “What? Slept off?” The guilty customer remained silent.
 
Later, he could remember jumping onto the moving train. He had asked someone at the door, “S3?” and got a nod. Further inside, he requested, “Berth 27, please, can you remove your luggage? Please, I have to lie down...” He could remember climbing onto the upper berth, resting his head on his backpack, falling asleep still holding his umbrella and with his shoes still on. At some time during that night, a ticket examiner had nudged him awake with, “Dead?...No?...Ticket!”
 
Saturday, 6:00 am
 
He woke up thinking that he was screaming. He sat up on his berth. Below him, a family with two toddlers, both screaming, was frantically trying to evacuate with their belongings. “What happened?” he asked from above. The harried father replied with the station’s name.
 
Sreekumar felt like screaming, too, on hearing that the train had reached his destination. He gathered his meager belongings and managed to exit behind the family with two toddlers and an endless stream of bags.
 
He transported his stiff body from the train to the nearby bus station. Apart from stranded commuters and queues of red banners, it was deserted. For the second time, he asked “What happened?” “Strike,” the surly reply rebuked the ignoramus for asking about the ordinary.
 
He stood there immobile, his mind still working on the dredges of the dream from which he had been startled that morning. In that dream, he was reciting Emily Bronte’s poem ‘Remembrance’. He was near two parallel railway tracks. Then, in that dream, he was lying across one of those tracks. Train after train went past him on the other track and he waited for his, reciting the poem on and on.
 
He smiled at the dream. He moved towards a make-shift tea-stall. There, while munching a bun and between swallows of hot tea, he enquired if there was any transport plying between that town and a hill-station a few hours from there. “Only trucks and private vehicles are running...try to catch a truck near the highway...try the dhaba...” the helpful answers from a few full mouths. No one there suggested hitchhiking on private vehicles.
 
He walked to that dhaba on the highway, about three kilometers from the bus station. By the time he got there, his grimy and sweaty clothes were sticking to his body like second skin. He learned that only one of the trucks there was going to that hill-station, though in a rather circuitous route with a few stops, and that truck’s driver told him that there was no place for him. Sreekumar pleaded with the driver that he did not need a seat up front, that he could sit on the sacks behind. He was informed, “You will be in a sack by the end of the journey.” Sreekumar replied that that would be fine, too. “Choose your own burial,” he was told. They bargained amicably about the fee for that.
 
At 10:00, he was told to climb onto the back and to sit tightly in a corner. For the sake of appearance, he laid a few newspapers on the floor before taking seat. He secured his backpack and umbrella and found for himself a few good handholds and footholds. The driver proved to be a true specimen of his species – without care for the natural beauty outside, manhandling the gears and brake, screeching and swerving, overtaking dangerously and treating hairpin bends as suicidal as possible.
 
In the first hour, Sreekumar was threatened by nausea. In the second hour, his muscles gave in and he lay back, feeling paralyzed from head to toe. After that, the journey did not produce anything new. With assured fatality, fatalism seemed sensible and when that failed, he tried to think about his good luck in the present state – the list was short –not wet, not stranded and the road trip had to end.
 
The journey ended at 5 pm. The driver and his two aides climbed onto the back of the truck and woke Sreekumar, or rather, brought him to consciousness. “Saar, should I take you to hospital?” he was asked kindly. Or, he thought he was asked that because there was a humming in his ears. He felt punch drunk.
 
He got down from the truck and sat on the ground for a while, a sorry figure hugging a back pack and an umbrella. After twenty minutes, he realized that he was at the market in that hill-station. Ten minutes later, he tried standing. A cycle rickshaw driver offered a ride. Sreekumar had had enough of rides on wheels. Tired, dirty and hungry, he started on his way, walking slowly and with increasing steadiness and purpose.
 
At 6:30 pm, he reached the gates of the resort. A young security guard shooed him away. Sreekumar and the guard stood on either side of the gate staring at each other, saying nothing further. An older security guard came to this tableaux a few minutes later, looked at Sreekumar, recognized the backpack and the umbrella, and said, “Professor, sorry, sir. This idiot is new.”
 
Sreekumar entered the grounds.
 
Saturday, 6:30 pm
 
Gopalakrishnan and his wife Aswathy were seated near a window in the foyer of that resort. They had had a long day of hiking. They planned to have a quick early dinner before going to their room with amorous hiking in mind, that is, if their body would allow.
 
“Where is Sudarshana?” asked Gopal, reaching for a magazine and hoping that this wait would be brief.
 
Aswathy replied, “She is calling home to find out when her lot will join her here. It is a shame that she had to come alone, with us, and now this strike...” her voice trailed off. She, who was facing the entrance and the counter, stared at a man entering the building. “Isn’t that your friend?” she asked her husband.
 
Gopal replied with little interest, flipping through the magazine, “Which one?”
 
“That lecturer, I don’t remember his name. After our wedding, he took us out for a good lunch. And later, he refused to come to our house because he didn’t want to bore. Or was it...get bored? I think it is him...but he is looking...yuck!” By this time Sreekumar had reached the front-desk and Aswathy decided to stare in a more discreet manner.
 
“Sreekumar...here...?” Gopal queried with pleasure. He stood up, studied the bedraggled state of the man with a smile and then, shouted at the man when the latter moved away from the front-desk, “Abhey saala, Sreekumar.”
 
Sreekumar raised his head wearily, looked at the source of the pleasantry and approached slowly, “Gopal” he acknowledged. Both decided against contact.
 
“What have you been up to? Rolling in the market? How did you get here? Arrey, you remember Aswathy, right?” Gopal asked, without pause.
 
Sreekumar wearily replied, “I cannot take friendship at the moment. See you tomorrow.” With that, he turned and proceeded to the lift.
 
He waited for the lift, allowed a person to step out before stepping in.
 
In his room, he undressed and put on a bath robe. He had already requested at the front-desk for Saradamma, the cleaning lady. When that lady appeared, he asked her, “Saradamma, could you please take care of this?” He handed over a plastic cover with his stinking clothes. “If you see Murali, please tell him to bring the food at 7:30. And if I do not answer the door, tell him to check if I have got out of the bath.”
 
The cleaning lady said, “It is good to see you here again.”
 
“Same here, same here...” and then he added, “Is your grandchild still with you?” he handed over a packet for the kid and accepting that the lady left, nodding her head and smiling sadly. She was glad to see Sreekumar again but each time she hoped to find him in a better state.
 
Meanwhile, downstairs, the person who had got out of the lift joined Gopal and Aswathy. Those two were comparing notes as to whose friends were the craziest, the rudest, the meanest...Both stopped abruptly and smiled guiltily when Sudarshana asked, “I hope I did not start that discussion.”
 
“You are an angel compared to some we have just met,” Aswathy gave an accusing glance at her husband, “did you notice that chap who got into the lift?”
 
“No, I was thinking about something else. Didn’t notice...” Sudarshana said with a resigned tone.
 
“So, when will they get here?” Gopal asked Sudarshana, trying to switch from the talk about his friend.
 
“It seems this strike is going to be a serious affair. Since this afternoon, even private cars are being stopped, it seems.” Sudarshana replied, half-convinced.
 
Arre, don’t worry, they will be here in a day or two. Now, let’s go for dinner. I am starving. And I want to go to bed early today. Tired...” Gopal tried to sound convincing.
 
“How did that guy get here?” Aswathy asked, not wanting to let go of the earlier topic.
 
“My dear, do you want to go to his room and ask him?” Gopal retorted, slipping his arm around his wife’s waist.
 
“Will I go to the Devil? Sudarshana, you should have seen him...” Aswathy explained. Sudarshana smiled and followed her friends to the restaurant.
 
She was thinking about how to make the best out of her situation. Maybe, this was the break she had been hoping for – to do absolutely nothing apart from what took her fancy. Lonely, maybe; but for a day or two, it might be good – the solitude. She could read. Maybe, even sketch. And, Gopal and Aswathy were not bad company either. She and the couple had reached a tacit agreement regarding the amount of time they will spend together.
 
Sunday, 5:30 am
 
Sreekumar woke up with an old dream. He sat up and leaned against the pillows. The good dinner and the comfortable bed had done him a lot of good. After his ablutions, he did some stretch exercises, tried a few sit-ups and push-ups. He went down to the main pool outside. It was empty. He stepped in and let his senses succumb to the morning chill. He pushed against the pool wall and swam slowly, like a cripple being helped by a physiotherapist. The months of neglect protested and he was not foolish to ignore that. He knew that he had lots to do to exercise his mind and body. He kept to the sides, allowing himself to gasp and rest at frequent intervals in that hour there. Then, he returned to his room to get ready for breakfast.
 
At 7:30, he left his room. In the lift, he looked at himself in the mirror with a bit of surprise - clean shaven, rarely used trendy spectacles and his hair left in a ruffled state; casual cream-coloured khakis and a wine-red T-shirt.
 
He went to the restaurant for the buffet breakfast. There, he started piling his plate. Murali, the head waiter, greeted him. The waiter then whispered to him, “A couple over there has been staring at you for some time, sir.”
 
Sreekumar replied, “Friends, Murali, just friends.”
 
With his heavy plate, he made his way to the table where Gopal, Aswathy and Sudarshana were having breakfast. They looked up as if they had noticed him just then.
 
Sreekumar greeted them with, “Let me first apologize for my behavior yesterday. I hope you will give me a second chance...” Gopal, who was familiar with his friend’s avatars, smiled and introduced the ladies. Aswathy, probably due to some awakened maternal instinct, forgot all grievances and beamed at the man who had taken a seat and started to devour food like a teenager. She encouraged Gopal to join in that boyhood custom. Sreekumar’s journey and old anecdotes provided topics for the morning chit-chat.
 
When Sreekumar laid his fork and knife down, Murali flitted onto the scene, removed Sreekumar’s plate and left him with a mug of coffee, its aroma filling the air around the table. Sudarshana, who had largely remained silent till then asked, “How did you manage that special stuff?”
 
“Would you like a mug, too?”
 
Sudarshana nodded. Sreekumar caught Murali’s eye and indicated with a gesture. When her mug arrived, she asked, “Are you a regular over here?”
 
“Not as regular as I would like.” Seeing her raised eyebrow, he added, “I can manage this only once a year.”
 
“And for how long have you been doing it?” Aswathy asked.
 
“Since I could afford it...” the vague reply.
 
After coffee, without any enquiries about each other’s plans for their stay, they parted.
 
Sreekumar went to his room, collected his washed umbrella, packed his camera and left for a solitary walk, after collecting a packed lunch from Murali.
 
Meanwhile, the other party had gone to their rooms. Gopal and Aswathy invited Sudarshana for a visit to an aunt’s house. The latter declined the offer politely, informed the couple her approximate whereabouts that day and went to her room.
 
She planned to try sketching. She left her room carrying a college bag with the articles for sketching. She had seen a spot the previous day. It was a little away from the walkers’ trail, leading to the hill-top, but still within sight of the hotel. She settled down after laying a cloth on the grassy slope, still wet with morning dew.
 
The mist was rising from nearby hills. She waited for the picture to impress on her mind – the trail leading to the hill top, through dense trees, and above the tree-line, a bald top with the gnarled remains of a single tree. She would have loved to go there. Something told her that the view from that tree was even better. But for that day, her sketch would be of that tree, she decided – about promises that lay ahead. If she had not been absorbed in capturing the details of the tree, she would have noticed a man on the other side of the tree, leaning against the trunk, remembering promises.
 
Sunday, 4:30 pm
 
Sudarshana and the couple, Gopal and Aswathy, were resting under a shade in the garden. Aswathy was complaining to Sudarshana about Gopal’s aunt “...his aunt thinks that we should be taught how to have babies...” Sudarshana thought about her day and smiled at her friend.
 
Her sketch had not turned out well – too ambitious for a rusty talent but she was glad that she had tried, and confident that it would get better. She had returned to the hotel for lunch. She had called for room service. Later, she had what she described to Gopal and Aswathy as “a refreshing afternoon”. Gopal nodded sagely and Aswathy raised an eyebrow at that phrase.
 
The couple had returned around 4:00 after the “boring” and “horrendous” visit, collected Sudarshana from her room and reached their current state of repose in the garden, munching samosas and sipping hot tea.
 
They saw Sreekumar exiting from a building in a corner of the gardens, quite close to where this group was seated. He approached his acquaintances after reminding himself that he should try to be polite for a while and acknowledge their existence.
 
“Gymming, macha?” Gopal enquired.
 
“Just relaxing in the steam bath...”
 
He enquired about the couple’s day and got an account of their time with “agony aunt”. Then, he asked Sudarshana who seemed to have drifted away from the group with her own thoughts,
 
“Did you finish your sketch?”
 
“Didn’t know you are a peeping-Tom…” she replied defensively, rather insecure about her sketching.
 
“That tree over there, right?” Turning to the other two, Sreekumar explained, “I was on that hill. I saw her looking in my direction. I waved to her but she did not acknowledge. Then I tried jumping and all that, but she just turned away. This poor Devdas had to drown his sorrow in his tears.”He said this seriously, even though he did not expect the others to really believe his tease.
 
Oye Sudarshana, how cruel,” entered Aswathy.
 
“I am sure he was not there.” Sudarshana retorted, though half-puzzled.
 
Aargh, I have become invisible.” Sreekumar gave a mock cry.
 
Gopal asked, “Where were you, saala?”
 
“I swear I was there.”
 
Sreekumar then asked Aswathy if Gopal could join him for a drink. She replied, “Only one.” And when he enquired, “That’s a tight leash...one per day?” She clarified with a resigned tone, “One per session.” The men agreed and promised to be back soon.
 
After the men left for spiritual pastures, Sudarshana spotted a piece of paper, neatly thrice-folded to fit a shirt pocket, near the spot where Sreekumar had stood. She picked it up. “This must have slipped from his pocket...” she said aloud. She placed it on the table. Aswathy eyed it with curiosity.
 
Aswathy remarked to Sudarshana, “That Sreekumar...there’s something troubling him...I can see it in his eyes.” When Sudarshana did not bite the bait, she continued, “At first, I thought he is the kind who goes for the other woman...”
 
Sudarshana replied to that, “I am sure his other one wonders about his another one, too...”
 
Aswathy ignored that easy and flippant conjecture, “Then, I thought he is the kind who tells a woman “Yes, I was in love with you.”...but, it is not that...it is a lost love...I am sure...”
 
Sudarshana just smiled at her imaginative friend.
 
“Is that Sreekumar’s?” Aswathy leaned forward and took the paper. Sudarshana did not even try to tell her friend that she should not pry. Aswathy opened one fold and read the writing on one quarter, reciting with emotion and the diction of a school-girl,
 
At the Wedding of my Love
 
Stop! Raise your chaste lowered eyes,
On this altar feel as fever of forever need dies.
Burning our illicit love in that wedding fire,
Add blood, sweat, us naked raw to that pyre.
 
“See, what did I tell you?” Aswathy exclaimed to her friend. She opened another fold. This time, she read silently.
 
“What is it?” Sudarshana queried, now curious herself. Aswathy read with a low voice,
 
Bid adieu to naughty love of life
I am now relation, my love, my wife.
 
Stop! Raise your chaste lowered eyes
You spies!
 
Sudarshana burst out laughing. “Well, I guess he knows you as well as you know him...” she ragged her friend.
 
Aswathy folded the paper neatly and placed it on the table. The men returned soon. Sudarshana handed over the paper to Sreekumar without a word. Aswathy maintained a regal composure and silence. Sreekumar had a dead-pan expression, too.
 
The foursome decided to try a restaurant in town for dinner. There, when they were mid-way through the main course, two unsavoury characters entered the place in an inebriated state. They sat at a table close to the four, talking in a loud vulgar way with explicit comments about the ladies. Sreekumar told his fuming friend, “Gopal, don’t fall into the trap.”
 
“Those bastards should be given a hiding, man.” Gopal replied, with clenched fists and his teeth gnashing.
 
“Listen to me. Let’s leave, ok?”
 
He called the waiter and settled the bill. The comments from the other table were getting louder and more vulgar. Gopal and the ladies stormed out. The group walked silently to their hotel. Sreekumar trailed behind the three like some pariah.
 
At the hotel, they parted company. Gopal and the ladies went to the couple’s room. For ten minutes, they brought out the rage within. They realized that they were still hungry and ordered sandwiches. Murali brought them a tray of succulent sandwiches. They were still discussing their nasty experience. Murali set the table and before leaving, told the three,
 
“You are lucky. Those men are crazy local thugs with no sense or fear of law. Three years back, they stabbed a guy in a similar situation, went to jail for two years. They will go back again. I think Professor sir was here at that time.” He left after that.
 
Aswathy edged closer to Gopal, caressing his shoulders, as if searching for the stab he would have suffered. It was Sudarshana who finally broke the silence,
 
“We treated Sreekumar quite dreadfully, didn’t we?” The other two nodded like obedient puppies.
 
After a few minutes, Gopal told the ladies that he was going to apologize to Sreekumar and left the room. But he could not find Sreekumar. Gopal returned to his room, told the ladies the situation, for a while they sat gloomy before deciding to call it a night.
 
Monday, 7:30 am
 
Without waiting for the couple, Sudarshana went alone for breakfast.
 
This time, Sreekumar was already there, having breakfast, reading a newspaper, his relaxed body showing the signs of physical exercise. His swimming was now facing the last hurdle – an old block, a breathing action he had never bothered to correct.
 
Sudarshana brought her plate and asked him if she could join him. For a moment, he leaned back, just stared at her, as if he had to think a lot. After a while, she told him with a smile, “While you are trying to decide, let me take a seat.”
 
They had a quiet breakfast and it was only when their mugs of coffee were brought to them, she asked, “Where were you last night? We wanted to apologize.”
 
“For what...?”
 
“For preventing that fight...Murali told us about the thugs’ reputation.”
 
“I had no choice. I don’t enjoy getting my clothes dirty.” Sreekumar answered with a smile.
 
“Not even for the honour of ladies?” she countered.
 
“Not if they pose a threat themselves...” he argued.
 
“Now, we are getting to the point...”
 
“I prefer to beat around the bush.”
 
“How can the oppressed be a threat?”
 
“The mock oppressed ready and waiting to be the oppressor...”
 
“Scared, you are,” she concluded.
 
“Woman, you are,” he reasoned.
 
With that, they raised the white napkins, as if calling for ceasefire, wiped mouth and left the table together.
 
Outside the restaurant, they met Gopal and Aswathy. The apologies and other light banter followed. The couple had received an ‘urgent’ phone-call from the aunt demanding their presence at a larger family gathering. Aswathy forecasted another course on pregnancy. Gopal cursed himself, “I have the only relatives who do not believe in contraceptives,” and after some thought, “they are out to screw me...”
 
“Can I ask you for a favour?” Sudarshana asked Sreekumar once the couple had left the hotel.
 
“Your command is my wish.”
 
“I have heard that before. Can you take me to that tree on the hill?”
 
For a while, Sreekumar’s face became blank and his eyes seemed to look through her, at someone behind her.
 
“Do you always have to think so much when I ask you a question?” Sudarshana asked giving no hint that she had noticed the strange look.
 
“Of course, my lady...But, you have to promise that you will fight any thug that will come in our way?”
 
“Anything for you, my knight...!”
 
They made plans to leave at 9 and return for lunch. Neither of them made any suggestion of a picnic.
 
Sudarshana wondered for a while whether she had forced him into a situation he did not like. But felt consoled by remembering that Sreekumar had dismissed niceties with Gopal and Aswathy.
 
As for Sreekumar, he was asking himself, “Why didn’t I say no?”
 
Monday, 9:00 am
 
Sudarshana realized soon enough that the trek uphill through the dense foliage was quite arduous. Birdsong competed with her grunts and groans. She thought she saw monkeys peering or were they squirrels or large cats or mongoose? The trees seemed alive, the ground too. At one point, she saw a pile of elephant dung. “Wild elephants?” she queried. Sreekumar offered studious silence instead of security.
 
After fifteen minutes, she realized that her legs were beginning to cramp. He suggested some stretch-exercises. Sweaty and dirty, she cursed her morning wish. They hardly talked. He did not bother to be chivalrous. He allowed her to tackle on her own those dangerous ledges with steep falls, on that slippery muddy path.
 
Worse, they seemed to be lost. For some reason, Sreekumar had decided to try a new route. He consoled her with an unconvincing “go up, come down, simple…how can we get lost?”
 
“Don’t you know the way?” she asked.
 
“Not really,” he admitted, “each time, I try a different starting point and path.”
 
“Fantastic!” she taunted.
 
“It’s good to be strangers – even with a path –
 
These banyan trees with peeling bark,
Entwined vines, branches and roots,
I prefer not to cross them twice
To find them uprooted or with an axed notch;
 
These naughty rascals the life within,
Those peering eyes, lurking danger,
The rustling leaves, chattering cries,
They compare and mock, my many lives;
 
I the husband-father, I the worker-boss,
I the lonely voyeur, I trying to be me,
They compare and mock,
 
At them, I can smile
But I prefer not to cross them twice –
 
It’s good to be strangers.”
 
“So, what do I have? You the fool, me the lost?” she accused, feigning disinterest.
 
He gave her a look of mock anger, squinted eyes, sulking mouth trying hard to suppress a smile.
 
“Well, well, you the lost? What are you anyway?” he parried.
 
She gave a mirthless laugh, “Nothing, right? A non-entity...”
 
He did not let go, and prodded,
 
“I have to be the one who knows the way –
 
A serious wit or a man of steel,
I should treat you like my image,
Or a restrained selfless safe shadow;
 
My words should rest with gravity,
You will speak while you hear little;
 
You can try to be the aggrieved,
But you do not deceive me with frailty,
 
Why do I have to be the one who knows the way?”
 
She looked at him with flaming eyes - tired and exasperated – not ready to let him have the final word, not realizing that she was biting his bait,
 
“Tchah…stereotypes and misconceptions, thy name is man…
 
These trees and I, for you
An old used textbook chapter?
 
Blue skies, green canopy,
Vales and dale, brook and willow,
My hair these vines,
My arms these caressing tendrils,
The birds and the bees,
Remembering pulp romance?
 
A few four letter words
Used, misused.
 
I am not a girl, a woman, a mother,
A wife, a lover, a womb, a vagina,
An idol to worship, serve or curse.
Am I trying to shock you?
 
I am not a role
For your stage
Or any stage.
 
Of right, wrong, norm, deviant,
Of values, debt, trust, loyalty,
Of past or present memory, real or virtual,
Of explanations, justifications,
Of relations, love, friend, foe,
Of utility, used, futility, fate,
 
I want to be me too
 
Or, is that your domain alone?”
 
“Good! We agree on one thing at least,” he said. When she did not reply, he continued “Fine words searching for meaning, like a search for the soul-mate,
 
Why are we born in chains?
From one role to the next –
Isn’t that the old line?
 
The face of love –
Fables and morals define
Familiar features
On an easy mould;
 
That’s the tragedy –
Each role is an easy part.
 
Give me one
I pray, just one:
 
Without barter, without give-n-take,
Without promises, without vows,
Without a black book of credits-debits;
 
Friendship do you suggest,
Russian roulette I suggest,
Get away you blood-sucking parasites;
 
Love do you suggest,
Bluff I suggest,
Get away you symbiotic dead.
 
This is in the Scriptures
It is in the Book of Trouble;
 
But, this one –
I pray, just one:
 
Not to share trouble,
Not for stale jokes,
Not to judge, not to weigh;
One without pretense,
One to trust,
One with faith,
One even Death cannot part;
 
Is that Utopia?
 
It is about the precious fragile,
The dew on the flower on the branch
On the tree on that hill on and on;
 
For some, it’s their senses, their feelings,
For some, it’s them, their own being,
But it’s both, the being and the senses.
 
When “you hold that one”,
The senses take “hold”,
With “you” and “the one” separate,
Is that it?
 
Feel the fragile within – “you”, “hold”, “one”,
Stress each without strain,
The fragile feel within – “one”, “you”, “hold”,
 
That is not Utopia.
 
That is not role play.
It is tough to be real.
 
When I hold my soul-mate, will I let it go?”
 
Sreekumar and Sudarshana resumed their journey and reached the edge of the tree-line at around 10:00. She was exhausted, exhilarated and gave a whoop of joy.
 
He turned around from a little distance ahead, looked at her with a spreading smile and said, “You have bird-shit on your face and front.”
 
She glared at him, searched in her bag for a mirror. She had left it behind at the hotel, along with the rest of her vanity kit.
 
Sreekumar came close to her. He took a bundle of tissues from his backpack. He wiped her face, slowly, with a light caress, cleaning her cheek, her jaw, the right side of her neck, her collarbone, a few specks on the collar of her shirt; he opened a button and wiped the last below the collarbone, a little above the right rising heaving breast. Then, he used another set of tissues with water and cleansing soap. He buttoned her shirt at the end. They looked into each other’s eyes a few times but they did not speak.
 
For some, this is a 4% deal. Some will call this a light and charming adventure or the beginning of a swift, fleeting love affair. For some, it is not 4%.
 
They stood together, near the tree-line, where there is a brook, but with no willows. They reached the top, untroubled by seasons, the moss always velvet, the branches always gnarled, the view sublime.
 
Sreekumar reclined against the tree. Sudarshana sat near, letting her hair loose against the wind, shielding her face. They hardly talked. Sreekumar napped or scribbled in a notebook. Sudarshana sketched eyes that spoke strangely.
 
Monday, 5:00 pm
 
Sreekumar and Sudarshana returned to their hotel at 2, had lunch in the restaurant and then, went to town for shopping. At the front-desk, they left a note with the message that they will be back by 5:00.
 
Gopal and Aswathy returned at 4:40. Their day had turned out to be surprisingly good at the aunt’s place. The couple decided to wait in the foyer, meet their friends and then go to their room.
 
Around 4:50, it started raining. Five minutes later, they saw Sreekumar and Sudarshana walking quickly, in the rain, for the cover of the hotel. He was carrying his umbrella, as usual, but it was not open.
 
The four met near the entrance and exchanged brief notes about their day. Sreekumar and Sudarshana mentioned that they had had tea and heavy snacks at a delightful tuck-shop in town. The four decided to meet the next morning since no one was keen on dressing up for dinner at the restaurant.
 
Around 10:00, that night, Aswathy asked the cuddling Gopal, “Why didn’t he open the umbrella?”
 
Gopal thought of evading with a curt reply but he was curious, too.  
 
“Are you going to remain silent?” his wife prodded.
 
“Sreekumar is a decent chap. He won’t touch her.” Aswathy turned and faced him with a look, ready to defend her friend. He added quickly, “Don’t you crucify me now. Why don’t you go and ask your friend?”
 
Aswathy did just that. She slipped into a dressing gown, leaving Gopal punching the pillows. She went to Sudarshana’s room and knocked on the door. When Sudarshana opened the door, Aswathy asked, “Sudarshana, so sorry, but do you have a band-aid plaster? Gopal got hurt.”
 
“I thought it is the girl who usually gets hurt...”
 
She has been with Sreekumar for too long, Aswathy thought.
 
Sudarshana got her a bandage and saw that Aswathy was looking around the dimly-lit room.
 
“Don’t worry, Aswathy, he is not hiding beneath my bed.”
 
Blushing, Aswathy blurted, “Oh no, I didn’t think that. Gopal told me that Sreekumar won’t touch you.”
 
“Yes, he won’t...” Aswathy did not wait to understand whether that was an observation, a question, a challenge, an amused whatever it could be.
 
Aswathy returned to her bedroom, removed her gown and crept in beside Gopal, hiding her face deep in the pillows. Gopal smiled in the dark but he decided to keep his mouth shut.
 
Tuesday, 7:30 am
 
Gopal, Aswathy and Sudarshana were having breakfast. Sudarshana informed them that her folks would be arriving that evening.
 
Sreekumar entered the restaurant around 7:45 and joined them with a heavy plate. “Man, I am hungry. Nearly two hours in the pool. Fantastic.”
 
“Sudarshana’s family is coming this evening.” Aswathy blurted.
 
“Good. Good. Good.” His meal or the pending arrival of her family, no one cared to check. The usual talk ensued and when his mug of coffee arrived, he asked Sudarshana, “Is the sketch over?”
 
“No.”
 
“Do you want to go to the hill-top?”
 
“Will you take me?”
 
“Yes.”
 
“We will be back by lunch-time,” Sudarshana told the couple.
 
The rest of the days
 
Sreekumar tried to correct his breathing motion but without any success. On one day, he joined the others for dinner. After 4 days, they left.
 
He stayed on for another week and left wearing black pants, white shirt, with an umbrella in his hand and carrying a backpack. He looked at the gnarled tree. “Till next year, my love...”
 
 
Author’s note:
·         2/52 is definitely not 4%.
·         That reminds me of an interview question: if the interest rate is r %, in how many years will your money double? The answer is based on the ‘rule of 72’. The interview question is: Why 72 and not 69?
·         This question is typically used as a ‘loosener’, to make the candidate relax. And, at the end of the interview, the relaxed candidate would invariably ask the question, “Five years down the line, where will I be?” Well, there’s only one reply, right? “Not with me.”
 
·         Wish you
 
Merry Christmas
&
Happy New Year
 
 

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Waiting for Trouble near Westkreuz



He stood at his doorway on this winter night, the light from his apartment sending out shadows creeping towards me, a dangerous menacing figure with an eerie halo, staring in my direction, legs apart and mean-looking, like one of those spaghetti-Western villains.


But, he was the sheriff and I the villain. I had waited for the moon to hide behind clouds, for total darkness to provide cover for my crime.


I broke the law every week, every Sunday, and I did not even try to learn how to put the right rubbish in the right bin. Biodegradable, cans, paper, glass...aye, that’s where I erred this time...glass. I realized that after my pack of bottles fell with a loud crash into the bin for metal.


That disturbance brought him to his door. If I could have seen his face, I would have seen the anger in his eyes, the spit foaming at the side of his mouth, veins jutting out on his neck and forehead, livid face red and quivering. He is the janitor of my apartment block near Westkreuz. He lives on the ground floor.


I hoped that the cold darkness would save me. He must have seen me. In a loud guttural voice, he said something sharply in German to me which I could not understand. I walked away from the scene of the crime, sticking to the shadows, never showing my back to him.


I reached my apartment, breathing heavily and sweating in that freezing air, locked and bolted the door, waiting for him, waiting for certain trouble.


I could not resuscitate appetite for dinner, poked at my frugal meal, if not to kill hunger, at least to kill time. I saw my blood in the ketchup and my battered face in the mashed potato.


I was washing the vessels when the door-bell rang. Strangely, I felt calm, then. The waiting was over. I walked slowly to the door. My mind was blank. I was not even thinking about how to tackle the situation.


My breathing was steady. I remember correcting a few wrinkles in the carpet on my way to the door. The life I knew was going to change forever, listening to BBC Radio on FM, waiting for the world to end and writing silly things, all that will have to go, I knew. But I did not think that then. I just walked to the door, calmly. I unlocked, unbolted and opened it. I stared at the person standing in front of my door.


She looked very attractive with a nose-ring, young taut body and a marvelous smile. She said, “Enschuldigung...” and I knew that it only meant “Excuse me...” She said other things too which I did not have to understand. I stepped aside and let her enter. She went to my balcony and returned holding a piece of clothing. She lives in the apartment above mine. That clothing must be hers and it must have fallen by design, I hoped, or by mistake, I allowed. I let her do whatever she wanted. I let her say “Bye”. By the time I said “Bye” she had disappeared from my life.


In a moment of uncertainty, she had come and gone. I was left waiting for the sheriff, that janitor, the mean one.


There are too many mean guys and attractive girls. They come and go. I keep waiting for trouble in my apartment near Westkreuz.

Soliciting with Ice-cream near Ku’damm



The second time I met her, she was standing near a newspaper-stand on one of those side-streets off Ku’damm, quite close to the French Consulate.


On the first occasion, chance had made us walk together from Beate Uhse’s Erotik-Museum up to the Deutsche Post. Nothing was said then. As she walked away from me that time, I took in the leather pants, the plunging cleavage and the swaying hips.


The second time, I noticed her eyes, mouth and the lines on her face. I could picture her in some crowded small kitchen, kneading dough, brushing aside strands of hair and sweat from her forehead, attending to a husband sitting in his underwear and kids not too sure if they should seek attention.


At the newspaper-stand, I circled around the meager International section. Then, I shifted and stood undecided in front of the soft porn magazines. I turned around and faced her with a surge of boldness.


Did a tinge of amusement flit over those lips? She stood with her weight on the left stiletto and the right leg swayed lightly. She was not a smoker, I had already noted. Her left hand was in the back pocket and the right coyly hooked in the front. She raised her eyebrows at me in acknowledgement. After a few long seconds, she walked towards me slowly.


I was surprised when I heard my voice ask her,
- Hot, isn’t it?
- Yes, bloody hot.
- Care to have ice-cream?
- Where? Some hotel here or at your place?
- Shall we try that place at the corner?
- There? That ice-cream joint?
- Do you have the time?
- What the hell! My legs are aching.


We made our way to the ice-cream parlour. She nodded at the waiters with familiarity and chose a discreet corner. We sat silently till the sundaes arrived.


During that silence, I kept looking at a point on the left side of her neck. Instinctively, she tried to cover that side with her hand, and she asked me,
- Is the strap awry or is it my blouse...torn?
- Pardon?
- What are you staring at?
- Oh! Sorry, I was looking at the mole on your neck. Is it natural?
- Of course.
- It’s cute.
- Thanks.


She started to fidget with her spoon. After a few moments of uneasy silence, she blurted,
- What do you have in mind?
- I would like company.
- One of those Pretty Woman scenarios, is it?
- Ha! Not so rich. An hour or two? A quiet dinner?
- With this outfit, that would be tough.
- How about take away?
- No.
- You can trust me...
- I could, but it’s a silly idea.
- Ok. Then, let’s sit here. Is that fine with you?
- You are not joking, are you?
- No.
- If you want company, shall I call a few of my pals, too?
- No.
- But, there’s nothing to talk.
- Maybe.
- Look, this is weird...I think I will just get back to work, ok?
- Alright. Let’s at least finish this ice-cream together...please...

Shrinking Hope near Innsbrucker Platz



Somewhere near Innsbrucker Platz, I am in a courtyard crowded with greenery. I press the buzzer at the main entrance and announce my name. The door clicks open.


The interior matches well with the neo-Gothic exterior. The moulding stone walls, in desperate need for renovation, seem to be ready for overhanging ghouls in each corner and crevice. I expect the door to creak open but it is well-oiled. But, the staircase fits the scene. Each groaning complaining step is amplified by echoes.


I whisper “Hi there” and the echo says “Hullo”. I look up to see the source, a smiling face of an octogenarian of indeterminate sex about two flights above me. A slow climb takes me to that person, cloaked in heavy woolen, standing sideways on those steps, breathing heavily. I could not make out if ‘it’ was going up or down; or when ‘its’ journey had begun. I continue climbing leaving behind the creepy smiling physiognomy.


While I climb, let me tell you why I am here; or, at least, how.


Yesterday, at a traffic light, I met my hypochondriac pal-acquaintance-colleague-whatever John. He greeted me with a melancholic “Yow” and I reciprocated with a hearty “Hi”. He asked with a sadistic tone, “Howz life?” I replied truthfully, “Staying alive.”


Then, John took a card from his wallet and told me, “my shrink, meet him”. Without another word, he crossed the road giving scant respect to the traffic light. When John reached the other side of the road, he turned and with a downcast dopey-eyed stare, his bass voice uttered in a staccato fashion, “There...Watch...Your...Step...”


So, ‘there’ I am. With no affliction or affection to brag about, I wonder if I will be good company for a shrink.


Five flights of steps conquered, with tobacco ravaged lungs doing hiccups, I reach the single door on that level (white, new and slightly open) with no bell or peep-hole waiting for me to enter.


This door creaks open and as soon as I stepped inside, it recoils back noiselessly and I hear locks being sprung.


I am in a massive dark hall. I can see a gas lamp on a table at the far end and a downturned head. I tread softly on the uncarpeted wooden floor. With every step, the shadows dance more vigorously.


When I reach the table, the ‘head’ reveals a blonde with dark eyes and lush pouting lips. She says, “Ah, you are here. Let me take you to the doctor.”


She took the lamp and led the way to a narrow and steep spiral staircase. Cream chiffon blouse that seems to be draped rather than worn, a cleavage that never ends, blue jeans tight against wide hips and those legs...I nearly tripped. John’s voice whispered in my head, “Watch your step.”


After 47 steps, I reach a room at the top...a room? Well, it is bigger than a closet with space enough for a table, a chair behind it with its back towards me and a dentist’s reclining seat by the side of the table with a sticker which said ‘Dr Shilly - Dentist.’


I exclaimed to the angel, “Oh! There’s a mistake. I am here to meet Dr Keller, the psychologist.”


The angel gestured at the chair where a large bulk of mass quivered. The angel left. The mass boomed, “I am Keller.” The mass rose to six and half feet, three or so in width and plenty in depth. The boom continued, “Swapped couches with my friend Dr Shilly.” I was shown that seat. He settled down in his chair facing me with a familiar creepy smile.


Dr: What’s up?
Me: Up?
Dr: Excellent...continue...
Me: I don’t know where to start. A week back...
Dr: The further back the better.
Me: It will cost more, won’t it?
Dr: You could talk faster.
Me: For three days, starting last Monday, I was friendly at work. It was really strange...a girl even told me that I am nice...
Dr: Is that girl barmy?
Me: I could be nice, right?
Dr: Frustrations rise when reality clashes with fantasy.
Me: I get the point.
Dr: Anyway, lot of nice people end up here. Good, you are now receptive. Continue.
Me: Last Thursday, I went to a cake shop and got a slice of Black Forest pastry. After the first bite, memories hit me hard and I cried.
Dr: Some other place, some other time, a cherished moment with someone?
Me: Yes.
Dr: Did you finish the pastry?
Me: Yes.
Dr: Why?
Me: It cost me 2.50 Euro.
Dr: Then...?
Me: That same day, I went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. Ordered steamed fish. Again, I cried.
Dr: Another person, another place, another time?
Me: A fish bone got caught in my throat.
Dr: Ah! A pen is sometimes just a pen, so said Freud.
Me: Two days back, in a U-Bahn, I was watching a family. A ponytailed father with religious tattoos on his arms; a mother in a purdah and chewing gum; and two kid daughters, the only ones who talked.”
Dr: How do you know she was chewing gum if she was wearing purdah?
Me: I could hear.
Dr: Ah...continue...
Me: The father sat with his head in his hands, looking down, as if he was suffering from migraine or a bad hangover. Two sexy girls entered. He did not notice.
Dr: Were you looking at him or the girls?
Me: At him.
Dr: Serious...continue...
Me: Later that day, in a mall, I saw an elderly couple touch each other fondly.
Dr: And, you want to reach that stage, I suppose...
Me: Yes.
Dr: Without the intermediate...?
Me: Well, I don’t mind if my wife chews cud. But if my senses go dead, what will I do?
Dr: Start chewing gum, stay married, lots of things. What else?
Me: I am feeling hopeless.
Dr: Do you have a job?
Me: Yes.
Dr: Family?
Me: Yes. Wife.
Dr: Kids?
Me: En route.
Dr: Happily married?
Me: Married happily.
Dr: Why are you feeling hopeless?
Me: That girl who told me that I am nice, she also said that I am hopeless.
Dr: Clever one.
Me: I thought you said that she is barmy.
Dr: Anything else?
Me: No.
Dr: Sure...?
Me: My wallet is.
Dr: Good. Come again.
Me: Doc, how do you get down that staircase?
Dr: I don’t. That’s for patients. I take the lift.


With that, I left him, paid at the angel’s desk, met the octogenarian at the same place, and got out of the building.


At a nearby traffic light, I met my cheerful pal-acquaintance-colleague-whatever Pierre. I greeted him half-heartedly “YooHoo”. He chirped, “HooYoo”. I taunted, “How’s life?” He let out a sigh.


I took the card from my wallet and told him, “my shrink, meet him”. After crossing the road, I shouted “There...Watch...Your...Step...”


I felt lighter, happier and even hopeful.





Sunday, November 14, 2010

Weird Jungle

An old man with his palm on a young boy’s lap,
   Pray, did someone tell the prey he is prey?


A retired tired with own child banging at the gate,
   Is it time to feed the impatient vulture?


A couple waiting for an anniversary to make love,
   Why did they forget to be animals?


Young adults measuring future on a faulty balance,
   Do they feel when teeth sink into fresh kill?


Teens announcing friends as laissez-faire,
   Hush, isn’t it an old deception to hunt?


Even babies forget to feign innocence,
   Why did the prey turn predator so soon?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

One week married, four days alone

Disclaimer: This is again from that folder with old writing – others’ writing (in earlier blogs, I posted the one on writing [http://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/06/on-writing.html] and the other on football [http://newnonentities.blogspot.com/2010/06/brazil-1986-heroes-death.html]). How old was she when she wrote this? 25 or 26? This is not really a tale or a blog. It is not even Xmas eve or Monday. But, it is a grey evening. And, her thoughts float in the still lonely air.

Xmas eve. Monday. Grey evening. Harpestry on FM radio. Romantic?

It would have been so if I had his company. One week married and four days alone. A loud cousin had warned me about Monday weddings. Not that I listen to such gobbledygook. Not last week.


The wedding was a success. My brother and uncles had done a splendid job. Even he smiled.


By that evening, things started to change. The reception at his place was too sober, too silent. I didn’t mind it because I was scared of the moment when my people would leave and I would be left all alone to fend against his crowd. Should I go to the bedroom or the kitchen? How long can I hide in the bathroom?


These worries turned out to be unnecessary. Soon after my folks left, his folks went to some club to relax, leaving us with a few of his friends. There I was alone in his house while he entertained his friends. The friends left around half past ten.


We had a quiet dinner at eleven. I thought I fell in love with him that night. He was great. We had not planned to do it. Around two, both of us rolled against each other and it just followed naturally. Couple of months back, I had asked myself “How long will a guy and a girl stay together in a room without sex?” Two hours, it seems.


The next day went by fast - another party, visiting those deemed near and dear and then packing. On Wednesday morning, we left; a heady experience that - leaving behind the known and the loved with a new love on a silent train. Most of our relatives assumed that we were going on a honeymoon. I wanted to be with him, wherever. At the station, there was the usual mixture of tears and naughty comments. Heard one of his cousins suggest, “Be tough with her.”


Around five pm, he received a call on his mobile. Without any change in his expression, he told me at the end of that conversation, “Have to go to headquarters tomorrow evening. Hope you will understand?”


“Yes.” A disappointment doesn’t become one till it is mouthed, does it?


On Thursday, we used the few hours available to set up the house and clean. We tried to make love. But neither of us seemed too keen. Around seven pm, he left.


On Friday, I joined for work. I got complimented. I hid my thoughts from my boss and colleagues. I got through the day half there half elsewhere. A lonely Friday, a lonely weekend, a lonely Monday followed. And more to come, I suppose, sans compliment, sans thought, sans dream. But I understand, don’t I? I shall understand. I am not the first woman in that state, right?


On Saturday evening, I was walking on Main Street, watching couples walk past me. And, the spinsters; I was one of them a week back, the sadness or the naughtiness or the determination in their eyes. No more of that, just blank eyes, mechanical pragmatic moves, chores.


Have I already started hiding skeletons in the closet?


On Sunday afternoon, I went to a mall, to spoil myself, to ward off a nasty depression. There, I met Praveen. He asked me to have coffee with him at ‘our old joint’. I thought it would be childish not to go. Over mundane conversation and sugarless coffee, I realized how much I loathed him. I had actually forgotten. The sentences became more and more blunt. By the time of the cordial ending, we knew we would never talk to each other again. My first long love, my first long torture, my first long mistake, I think I could not suppress my mirthless laugh.


That night, I did not even think about my husband. I was busy trying to stay away from self-pity, my unmarried days’ companion. Self-pity and pragmatism do not mix well.


This morning, close to lunch-time, I received a call from Atul, half way around the world. He was a ‘brother’ a decade back, then a stranger worth three meetings. I told him about my wedding. He replied curtly, strangely perturbed, and I knew what was coming. “I always thought we had something going.” He must have been between dances, lonely for ten minutes at a party.


Not really skeletons, are they?


Today, I unpacked my cassettes. This book, too. Back to the old days, right? No. I love my husband. I really do. I do understand him and why he had to go. If there was a chance, he would have stayed. I suppose so. I suppose I do love him.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Family and a Smiling Man at Suicide Point



He stood near the edge of Suicide Point, a popular tourist spot. He leaned forward cautiously, holding the barricade tightly, studying the crags and the vast expanse below and ahead. He felt like a king viewing his dominion. Forty-five, successful, a father, a husband, it seemed to him that he had achieved nearly all. He took a few steps away from the edge and twirled on his toes trying to dance to some forgotten song. When he looked up, he recognized the man standing ten feet away from him. He tensed, reached for his daughter’s hand. He wondered why the man was smiling.


His pretty wife was looking through the telescope when he was at the edge. With a brief sideways glance, she had taken in her husband’s pleasure. On most days, she shared his content. At that moment, she tried to find some other source. Later, she would wonder whether it was a mother’s instinct which made her turn her head. She saw her husband staring at a man, tense and pulling her daughter towards and in front of him. She reached for her daughter’s other hand, pulling her kid towards her. Was that man smiling at her, she wondered.


His cute daughter was bored with the place. She wanted to get back to her new friends at the resort. While her parents looked at space, she studied the other tourists there. Like her parents, they seemed odd, she felt. In front of her, she saw a man watching her father. She smiled at him. Though odd, he looked nice when he smiled back at her. She felt her parents tugging at her hands. Over-protection, she thought.


The man smiled at the daughter. She looked like a nice kid. He waited for her father to turn and recognize him. He watched the father pull his daughter towards him as if to explain or to plead. He also noticed the pretty mother trying to pull the daughter away. Instinct of a mother or a wife, he wondered. He smiled at the thought.


The man brought out a gun from within his coat and shot the father and the husband, twice, dead and not smiling.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Path of No Return



 
The first time I saw her she guided me away from the path of no return. That was in the last week of January, 1985.

I was on a ‘cruise’ from Cochin to the islands of Lakshadweep. The cruise itinerary included 4 islands; ‘fun and frolic’ on an island during the day; and, onboard the ship at night while crossing from one landmass to the next. The trip cost me four hundred rupees. While making the ‘deck’ reservation, I dreamt of sleeping on hammocks under starry skies.

The ‘deck’ turned out to be a huge dormitory with rows and rows of berths within the cavernous hull. As neighbours, I had friendly agricultural merchants transporting their produce and purchases. On the first night, I tried to count the number of hands in each cluster (kola) of bananas hanging from frames and cross-beams. On the other days, I was tired after swimming, exploring and walking and did not need that to sleep.

The common toilets and shower area were reasonably clean. The food served in the canteen was fine – for breakfast, bread and jam or uppu maavu; for dinner, ‘ration’ rice (found a dead baby cockroach only once) with vegetable and curry (looked like fish curry or maybe it was vegetable curry). I had lunch at government tourist hotels or small tuck-shops on the islands.

Each day, the ship anchored in the deep at a safe distance from an island. At sunrise and sunset, the cruising lot was packed into a small motor boat for the journey to and from the island. I guess life-jackets were uncommon then. We never saw one.

On the third day, we were returning to the ship against the tide (was it from Kalpeni or Kavaratti?). It was a terrifying ride. Today, I might compare it to an out-of-control bloody-scary roller-coaster ride. I have stood with awe on many beaches, delighted with the lashing waves and scared of the under-currents, whispering “Kadalamme, Rakshikkane” (“Mother Sea, Please Save”). But, in a small boat on the high seas with no sight of land to comfort, the violent deep inspires lesser and more common thoughts appreciating the true sublime magnificence.

On the row in front of me, a young lady retched. Her husband held her tight with his left hand and held his own seat even tighter with his right. Two boys sitting next to me sang Hindu and Christian prayers. I lost my favourite cap to the wind and the rough seas. I held on to the boat, not even thinking of reaching for it, watching it bob away from me and disappear. I thought that it would be easy for me too, to escape like that, slipping and bobbing away, forever, to somewhere far away.

I noticed her then. She was sitting two seats ahead of me and I could see her profile. Her hair roughly caressed by the wind covered her face; her light translucent blouse stuck to her skin like grease-paper; her face was serene, with a wisp of a smile not of amusement but plain secret delight, her eyes contained that smile too; her young untroubled face expressed freedom and hope; and, she did not seem to have any worries about mortality.

I forgot my own fears and my plans to escape. I kept on looking at her, amazed and enthralled, till the boat reached the ship. In the rush to get inside the ship, I lost sight of her.

I did not see her for the rest of that journey, maybe hidden in some place with a no-entry sign for me.

Then, I saw her again a few weeks back, much closer to home.

About forty kilometers from Trivandrum, in a backwater lake with a strip of land separating that and the sea, there is an island. It is a small island, roughly half a kilometer in radius. It is about a kilometer from a pier on the mainland.

There is a small old temple in the middle of that island. The Trust that administers the temple has appointed a priest to conduct prayers on the first of every Malayalam month. But, devotees can visit on any day.

This temple has two peculiar features and one strange belief associated with it. The first feature is that the sanctum sanctorum, with the deity, is never closed. The second feature is that there is only one way to enter this island – there is a boat (vanji) and a single boatman who can bring the devotee here from that pier on the mainland. The belief of devotees is that a person with true faith will not return from that island. The island is called Thirichu Ella Thuruthu (Island of No Return).

I went there few weeks back. Maybe, I was like most people who visit knowing that they will return. But I felt that my own belief or faith, whatever it might be, was irrelevant.

I guess I was standing on that pier wondering about that when I saw her again.

She came out of the pay-and-use toilet there. To the right of that, and at a fair distance, there is a roofed waiting area. A man, with a kind and friendly face but with no inclination for small talk, runs a makeshift tea-stall in that waiting area. The stall has a gasoline stove, an old kettle, few glasses and plates, and two or three steel vessels with that day’s specialty. It was idli (with sambhar or chutney or chamandi podi, I guess) and vazhakka appam on that day.

She asked the man for a glass of tea, strong. I heard her ask him about the boatman, too. I heard him reply that it would be best if we (the waiting devotees) went to the boatman’s house to inform the boatman that we are waiting. She asked him for directions to the boatman’s house.

I watched her while she talked, while she sipped the hot tea. She looked older, of course. But, it was her, I knew. Those eyes, the smile, her small frame and the way she slips her hair behind the right ear. I studied her face and her body. She must have seen me by then but she did not look in my direction till I approached her.

“Are you going to the boatman’s house? I am also waiting for him. Can I come along?” I enquired.

“Yes, that would be nice,” she said and added out of custom or as if it was her place to be hospitable, “will you have some tea, too?” I shook my head and waited for her.

Somewhere along the way, I asked her, “Were you at Lakshadweep about twenty five years back?”

“No. I have never been there. Why do you ask me that?”

“Never mind, I must have seen someone like you.” I said. Why is she hiding the truth?

The boatman’s house was a hut. A lady was washing clothes outside near a well and beside her, a young man was brushing his teeth with umi-kari (roasted paddy husk and salt).

“Is the boatman here?” I asked.

The woman gave an angry look towards the hut, “Hopeless drunkard. Sleeping like a corpse…” (“Mudiyanaya kudiyan. Shavathine ppole kidakkunnu…”) I expected her to spit but she did not.

“Will he come to the pier today morning?” my companion asked.

“Who knows…wait till ten…that is his usual time.” It was only eight in the morning.

I looked at the young man, “Can you take us there?”

“After he dies…” (“Angeru chathittu…”) came the quick harsh reply from the lad.

We walked back to the pier. It must have been our common predicament that made us stand together and talk.

I pointed at a board nailed to a coconut tree near the edge of the pier. I asked her, “Can you read that?”

We went closer. She read the writing on that board: The Gita, Chapter 8, verse 26:

      sukla-krsne gati hy ete
      jagatah sasvate mate
      ekaya yaty anavrttim
      anyayavartate punah

“What does it mean?” I asked.

She hesitated and thought for a while, “I am not really sure… well, I think it’s something like… there are two eternal paths for mortal beings… the day and the night are symbolic of that…it is given in the Scriptures…the two paths are the path of return through rebirth and the path of no return through union with God.”

I told her, “Sounds like Greek to me.” She laughed.

Watching her laugh, I was reminded of the young girl’s expression. She has changed. The smile still entered her eyes. But along with that, there was also sadness or weariness or the hard weight of experience or knowledge or…

It brought back my initial thoughts about the purpose of my own trip. As if to extricate myself from that impasse via association or combined study, I asked her, “Why are you here?”

She looked surprised with that question. A stranger asking a personal question, it must have sounded like that.

She looked away from me, looked towards the island, at Thirichu Ella Thuruthu, and remained silent for a long time.

I accepted her silence. It was after all none of my business. I sat on the ground, leaned against a coconut tree, watched her and thought.

I should admit that my thoughts were not really virtuous. When I was young, I believed in going to temples with a virtuous mind; later, I stopped going because I could not manage that; then, I resumed going resigned to the fact that I could only be myself. I must have laughed at my petty thoughts.

She looked at me and asked,

“Do you believe in superstitions?”

“Not really…” I replied without hesitation.

“I don’t. But recently, I think I found a reason to believe…”

I avoided wisecracks and wisely I kept quiet. She continued,

“It started 12 years back.”

“What?” I prompted.

“Whenever I thought about one particular…thing, I faced a disaster.”

“Aha! Tell me that you caused 9/11, 26/11, Bush, Lehman…” I quipped.

She looked at me with a serious face, clearly wondering whether she should continue. I raised my hands in apology and silently begged her to continue. How could she understand that I was trying to cover my own discomfort by joking…her tale was sounding a bit too familiar.

“Mostly personal tragedy…relationships breaking, job failure, accidents, long-lasting bad luck following a brief tease of good fortune, loss of wealth, loss of those near and dear…one by one, till there was nothing…at first, I looked at it as mere coincidence or at worst, improbable chance. I even checked and tested…brought disaster on myself voluntarily…through that thought…but I still refused to believe…”

“What happened then?” I asked.

“Now, I have nothing left to lose…but…I lost even that thought…it is like its force is spent or that it had had enough of me…”

“What was it…that thought…what was it about?”

“The only person I loved…I was not supposed to think about that…till I lost all…now I can…but, it is gone too…strangely, I seem to believe now…”

“This person…?” I asked.

“Dead...”

By then, I was not sure whether the voices had flipped. Was it me or was it her…who talked about the lost thought? We did not talk after that.

At ten, the boatman did turn up, washed and cleaned but surly, smelling of yesterday’s liquor, still unsteady on his feet but steady enough to do his duty. Unlike our first boat journey, this ride was smooth gliding. I returned alone and I do not think I will see her again.

The second time I thought I saw her she guided me to the path of no return.

A Walking Tour

Bangalore (circa 20th century)

 
From Sadashiv Nagar to – [Shivaji Nagar or Majestic?] – (Bus number 100 or 104?) – does not really matter but good to get it right.

From Shivaji Nagar bus depot, it is a short walk to St. Mark’s Rd. At the first cross-road, near the street with cheap furniture stores, a man is beating his wife to the ground. He does not kick but his slaps are loud. She is crying loud but she refuses to cower before him, getting up like a nearly KO-ed boxer, giving back with a guttural hoarse tongue. He kept on slapping, not her face but her arms and back. A young man in the gathering crowd, Iyengar says the stamp on his forehead, approaches the couple; to help, to break the fight. The wife turns on him; the husband ignores him; it is not his fight; the crowd laughs, agrees and cheers for the fighters.

On St. Mark’s Rd, there is Koshy’s coffee-shop and there used to be the British Council Library on top. Further down the road, past the oil pump, there is a liquor shop that veterans trust. It is too quiet to listen to other’s stories in the Lib, but it is there at each table and the characters and tales are kept for later reference. Sit for a while at Koshy’s, in the middle or in a far corner never elsewhere, feel the old colonial railway waiting room. Listen to regulars and try to look like them. Hear about the drama guy’s cake-shop and his dogs and his friends; the new steak joint with rare meat and the way to cut and taste the blood; the latest writer, poet or painter, groovy stuff man; and, some look so damn earnest about the damn dams and the bloody poor. Even the regular irregulars there think of trying that lifestyle. Note it all down for reference.

Across the road, at the Bengali sweet shop, a lady of fifty tries to be fifteen. A young couple outside argues, before the impassive magazine vendor. She says I want rosogolla. He says no, I hate Bengali women, they make me fall in love with them, I hate Bengali men they try to be men. She laughs, come on, she says, my Bengali man.

A few steps from there, there’s Premier bookstore with the nice man who will let the poor reader browse for long hours, even whole books on multiple trips, and gives discount irrespective of the buyer’s English accent. On the left, there’s fiction. A girl and a boy definitely not size zero, share the narrow space with one foot on the floor, the other entwined while she looks for du Maurier from M and he searches for Neruda from a misplaced Steinbeck. He reads to her, from Neruda’s Lone Gentleman,
   Young homosexuals and girls in love,
   and widows gone to seed, sleepless, delirious,
   and novice housewives pregnant some thirty hours,
   the hoarse cats cruising across my garden’s shadows
   like a necklace of throbbing, sexual oysters
   surround my solitary home
   like enemies entrenched against my soul,
   like conspirators in pyjamas
   exchanging long, thick kisses on the sly.
She nods with thoughts elsewhere, replies with a glassy stare, from Daphne’s Rebecca,
   Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderly again
They talk, giggle, disentangle and silently promise never to meet again.

Further ahead on Church St., there’s the place which serves light phulka and heavy mutton curry. Before that, a famous video-turned-DVD-no-CD store (Habitat, is it?). Three young men and a lady browse together among those shelves. One man and that lady were desperate to get away, for sex, excuse the French, make love, it is called (right?). Meet them later many years later. They live happily ever after, with cute young kids, married to a rich another from their own different hometowns and religions. There are two kinds of men, the one who thinks about the morning after and the other who does not think. The second man belongs to the first kind. The other three laughs at his story that is yet to begin. Decent man, married, nasty divorce, lost half his pension, fell in love, married again, divorced, lost half of the remaining half of his pension. Well, he is still got a quarter to slice again, they console gleefully. The third man is a hybrid. He picks out three DVDs (Unbearable Lightness of Being, One Fine Day, Private Lessons) for an all-night session holding himself tight.

Retrace your steps, walk up to MG Rd, past McDonald's, now boarded and closed, where a couple discuss their divorce plans and how they should get together. The Spencer’s gave way to another chain. There’s a phone-booth in between where a man screams at his wife on an outdated phone, choose me or your job. Then, there’s that tall building with a pub on the 13th floor. Or, walk arm in arm, like the Wild West, to the cool shade within to steal a kiss or whisper sweet nothings. On Saturday nights, young drunk men shout from a balcony on the top floor, “Why am I with him and not her?” Hear the echoes down below.

Further ahead, near the old Plaza theatre, a married couple stops. She wants to check out new saris at Deepam, she demands her due. He sweats, distracts her and quickly signals to the man in the alley, not now says the furtive signal. The man in the alley hides his package of pornography beneath the second-hand books. Two young men leaning against the railing stare at her sari-clad figure. She notices their stare, she glares, they continue to look from head to toe, lechers, she smiles; her innocent husband oblivious of this whole episode.

At the junction, turn right and go along Brigade Rd. There are pubs on each side-street; each with its pseudo-theme – space-shuttle or hard rock or wannabe cool – with the same draught beer in same pitchers. It’s the same groups – small-town guys wide-eyed losing virginity, B-school guys with their college chums some a miserable reminder of fancy ideals or long hair-n-beard or borrowed philosophy, et al.

Still on Brigade Rd, there are old kids with new jobs showing parents and relatives their brave new world. Some still try out the old small malls, the cake at Nilgiris, window-shopping at the expensive fruit stall, cheap shops with pirated stuff to get something for those who could not make the trip.

On the left, there used to be dancing halls with women with vacant eyes and clothes considered scant in the old days; below, you might meet homely women in traditional Kerala saris and sandalwood paste on the forehead. Do not smile at them, it might cost you. Go past all that and to the left, there are more famous pubs, Karavalli restaurant for a fishy meal with expensive appam for that rare occasion and an ice-cream parlour. And, to the right, there is the old cheap Hotel Empire for late-night food, just do not be a vegan and just stick to the usual.

Back on MG Rd, past Cauvery crafts shop and past the pub where guys dance with each other, it is a long straight road to Kids Kemp at the end or Strand bookshop somewhere on the right (it is after Oberoi, right?). That is past Standard Chartered Bank and the other offices. There is a way to go to Shoppers Stop from there. And, on that road, there is an Indian restaurant famous for chicken legs wrapped in silver. Listen to young working women there for lunch complain about bosses with drifting fingers and promotions in suspended animation.

Before that and the tall building with a theatre and a rotating restaurant, there is a small lane with restaurants that promise to be affordable. Near the bottom of that lane, there is a place that serves Andhra thali; another more exclusive lot, with a common kitchen probably, for Andhra (fish curry and plain rice for INR 120), North Indian (try Sikander Raan), Chinese (lovers croon, “Oh, so shady, so nice”). The scene is not really different – suburbia, young loving couples, whole families, it might appear boring for the undiscerning but there’s a peculiar tale at each table.

The Chinese joint in the middle of that lane serves good Chinese tea. At table one, one young man tells another about unrequited love and the pain that will last till the next day. Far from them, a couple; the man confesses his love, the woman says we were kids then, the man agrees. The woman cries, says she is in love, she does not know what to do, she begs. I love a man of another religion, she admits; I do not know what to do, she asks. The young man seeks revenge and advises her to stick to her love, to go against the odds. She listens to him, cries more. They leave together, like good friends. He is heart-broken and he does not know that there is one on table one, too. She is happy, she calls home, she cries and protests, tells her parents about her affair but for her parents who did everything for her, she will do whatever they have arranged for her.

Now, with a full tummy, catch an autorickshaw and say ‘Sankey Tank’. It will cost twenty five rupees. But save for that luxury return journey. As you fly past the traffic policeman with a kindly face and a big moustache (killed in action, you heard) and the Golf course, you are ready to doze or think about your day spent scavenging for stories.



Author's Note: This is not about Bangalore. It was the same story in Berlin or London or Mumbai or Delhi or Corsica or Trieste or any goddamn place. There's only one comment worth hearing: whose story is it?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

First Class Travel

“Your journey starts now…”

The young travel agent said that to Sree in the office of Luxury Tours & Travels and he sounded like a TV compère of a game-show.

Sree, a thirty-year-old handsome man in a well-tailored expensive suit, was inspecting the travel documents placed within a custom-made leather travelling case.

He raised his head to look at the young man. He maintained an impassive face typical of aristocracy. But, he barely managed to suppress the brief smirk that expressed disdain and minor revulsion.

The fare for his trip demanded luxury. The young man’s words; nervous chewing of gum; missing top button and cheap tie; off-the-shelf suit probably used by other staff, too; with all that, the young man appeared sub-standard, if not mocking.

“Where is the reservation for the Ritz?” Sree asked the young man.

The latter made an angry gesture to an unobtrusive secretary. She collected the case in a fluster, went to her desk, inserted the missing document and re-checked the contents. When she returned with the case, Sree asked with an exasperated tone, “Should I check this again?” She tried to apologize but he gave a dismissive wave.

The young man escorted him to an S-class Mercedes Benz even though Sree ignored the other’s presence. A prim and proper chauffeur in a grey uniform opened the rear door for him after greeting him with a polite smile and an obsequious bow.

At the Mumbai international airport, a person was waiting to escort Sree to the special VIP lounge past the security-check zone. He hardly noticed the queues for the economy class and the normal first-class. His baggage, check-in and other requisites would be taken care of, he was informed.

In the lounge, Sree browsed through international journals while a middle-aged man with hennaed beard served him café latte and his choice of snacks. Sree watched that man retire to a corner where he coughed and sneezed a few times after covering his mouth with a handkerchief.

A few minutes later, when the manager of the lounge observed that Sree had not touched his plate or cup, he came to enquire. Sree raised the query, “Do you allow sick people to serve?” The manager apologized before he himself cleared the table and then, served coffee and snacks. Later, discretely but within earshot of Sree, the manager admonished the middle-aged man and told him to take off for the rest of the day.

In the plane, an air steward attended to his needs and helped him settle in the luxury first-class cabin. It was in an area above the normal first-class.

When he went to the toilet, after his first meal, he noticed an air hostess guiding a young boy from the toilets in this section to the lower-classes below. Sree raised an eyebrow at the lady. His steward who appeared then berated her for her lapse. In this class, luxury was not supposed to accommodate mere or dire necessities or even base comforts. She tried to explain some plausible reason for bringing the boy there due to urgency and crowded toilets below but Sree silenced her with a slow look from head to toe pausing at her breast to study her nameplate and her name, Anu.

At London, a Rolls Royce Silver Ghost took him to the Hotel Ritz. Apart from this chauffeur-driven car he also had a Jaguar or a Bugatti at his disposal, he was informed, for driving on his own to the country or elsewhere. At the hotel, he was assigned a suite and a butler. The front office manager escorted him to the lift, “Sir, if there is anything you need, please let us know.”

Dinner on that first day was a black-tie affair. There, he was joined by his companion, a beautiful 23-year-old named Susannah. She was in a two-piece ensemble with a silk blouse and a full satin skirt and it complemented his dinner suit very well.

He was there for four nights and five days. Private auctions and exhibitions, special shows at Museums, concerts for the select few; splurging at boutiques, even allowing a brief stroll with the common in Soho and Oxford Street before moving to the comforting spaces of Mayfair; a dinner at some manor hosted by a business tycoon, an exhibition match for charity with the top tennis players; and, a speedy trip to the Mediterranean, to gamble and party, with her by his side.

Hectic but refreshing, and when it was time to leave, the first class journey seemed like it had never started.


xxx


On the sixth day, Sree got back to Mumbai around noon, the return journey by economy class. There was no one waiting to receive him. He collected his luggage from the carousel, waited in the long line at immigration and stood near the exit, watching people enter taxis and big cars or being greeted by loved ones.

A man, with rolled-up long sleeves and khakis, standing next to a tempo-van in the Parking Area waved at him. Sree pushed his trolley to the van and loaded the luggage on his own. The man got in after him at the rear. There were two long-seats facing each other and Sree sat opposite to the man. A young woman, the man’s colleague, sat next to Sree.

The young woman said to Sree, “We have got the reports from everywhere. You have put on a good show!”

“Thank you, Miss.” Sree replied.

“Please sign this form,” he was told.

The form, on the letterhead of a well-known company, contained:

“We thank you for participating in this research program to help us understand better the adaptability of millions of upwardly-mobile luxury-aspiring people in this country.

We are extremely pleased that you fitted well in the new environment and responded correctly to situations and irritants.

Your services are hereby terminated and as reward for successful completion as per terms and conditions of the program, we give you one lakh rupees.”

Below that, Sree added, “Received with thanks.” He signed at the bottom.

The man then gave him a plastic cover with his own old clothes and shoes. Sree changed into those, put the clothes that he had worn in that plastic bag and handed it back to the man. The man went through an inventory and checked if Sree had returned everything. Then, the man gave him a thin bundle with 100 thousand-rupee notes.

Sree was dropped near his crowded Co-operative Housing Society in Kalina. His father used to work at the airport and most of his neighbours were airport or airline employees.

On the way to his house, he met a middle-aged man with hennaed beard. Sree stooped and touched his feet, “Baba, forgive me.”

“Your father explained everything to me a few days back. I am just sad that you had to do something like that.” They hugged each other with affection.

Sree then proceeded to his house. His mother and siblings greeted him quietly in the small front room. His father kept his head down and barely acknowledged his arrival. Sree slipped the bundle of notes into his mother’s hands. “We can now settle the loan and avoid foreclosure; we have at least that,” Sree told her.

His girl-friend, who had not changed her air hostess uniform after that day’s shift, was standing near the kitchen. She brought him a glass of water. He drank the water, kept the glass on the rickety dining table and told her, “Let’s go out.” They left the house together. He borrowed his friend’s motorcycle and they went to a park at Powai, a reasonably luxurious far-away place for them.

“Anu, I am sorry. I had to be a jerk. It was all or nothing.”

“It’s ok, Sree. I understand. You had to do it, right?”

“Bloody toilet, bloody first-class, bloody luxury…”

They sat quietly, holding each other. He then lay on the grass with his head on her lap. He caressed her face. She lowered her head and kissed him. After a while, she asked,

“Sree, did you…you...women…?” It sounded like a pleading.

“One…Susa…” Anu kept her hand over his mouth not letting him complete. He could have lied, he knew. But, she would have known, he thought.

Anu tried to hold back her tears and she avoided looking at him. But, she held him tighter. He buried his head against her young body, crying out of shame. Was that shame for participating in that program or was it for enjoying the trip, he was not sure.

He wondered if Anu would ever forget it or even forgive him. He knew that they would continue to love each other, marry and live together.

Time might heal or if that cliché failed, he felt that they will try to remember all the good things and try to forget all the bad things. And, some of those things will be common, he hoped.

It may even turn out to be a first class travel.


Author’s note: This is fiction. The author has twisted the existing luxury of real places to suit the non-existing needs of his fantasy.